Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
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Top comments
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
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Comments (197)
fisheatsbear 6
BLACK TACO
iowa3jumpman23 0
racist much?
fisheatsbear 6
and ydi op. who does that? seriously...
MightyMike2509 0
hahaha WIN! lol
fisheatsbear 6
@5 how is that racist? that's a product from taco bell. and to answer my question, emos do
iowa3jumpman23 0
no that's a half black half Mexican mix
VanessaVander 2
wow ur a retard.
ryguy997 0
OWWWWCH!!!!
tehamericanboy94 0
You. OP. Are a dumbass.
Blue_Coconuts 7
I ordered a black taco from taco bell and they gave it to me in a regular shell. I threw it back at them and demanded a black shell. They didn't have any so I took my business elsewhere. If I order a black taco I want a goddamn black taco shell.
rawr_iliketacos 0
@5 your an idiot and you fail at life.
Polionixon 2
LOL blue ur a friggin funny mother ****** hahahahhahaaa
evig_fml 16
you are a ******* retard go dad ftw!
iowa3jumpman23 0
no you fail at life. look at your sign in name
Carian01 0
That's ******* dangerous, retard!
Reyo 2
Wow. Even if it was dull I wouldn't be swiping it across my bare flesh. You could've done it with bread or a steak, or something else that's not attacked to your pain sensors.
longcat 0
next you're gonna demonstrate how empty your dads gun is.
sugarlumps182 0
same thing happned to me motherfuckers
cater2U 0
you're an idiot this deserves a big fat bold YDI
ReyEr9412 0
Then all of what is being said applies to you too 81. This is simply a dumbass thing to do and the OP and 81 deserved whatever pain they got, because it wil make sure they don't do something so stupid again for a long time.
thehelenlouiseee 5
your not kayla are you? my friend from brummieland did this the other day ;)
eagleclaw58 0
I would do it don't b a puss
XYZzzzzzzz 0
well duh ydi.
thor89 0
You shoulda tried slicing youre throat
ravensunnyd 0
atleast you'll have a funny story for that scar
adammicdaddy 4
emo?
AdotD 0
ROFLOLMFAOO ! thats hilarious
Pointy130 0
@78: Yeah, or how safetys always work by hitting the butt of the gun on the ground while facing the barrel towards you..
fmlsoobad 0
yur emo
loski87 4
that made me laugh
ipts 0
LMAO #78!
srgspartan117 8
how is this racist
StoryOfTheYear 15
@78 that was the best laugh i've had off an fml post
fisher50 0
@75 cuz you know I got spare steaks lying around to cut up
fmlurlife 0
**** YOUR LIFE!! I'M SUPER CEREAL!!
killerviral 0
@65 ahahahahhahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaaahahhhhhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahharoflroflroflroflrofllmaolmaodfldfl hahahahahaah HAHAHAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$
bezach 0
stfu stfu stfu stfu stfu not all emos do! thanks to your offencive comment I'm going to cut myself!!!!! x.x
epound28 0
too bad it wasnt your neck.
holleymoffat 0
yeee
baby_val 0
yea furreal ur A dumbass but sry bout ur hand anyways
deathcab7 0
i did that once with my finger. except i was like, 9. and i wabted to see if the knife was still sharp. :P haha i was a dull child.
infinitii 0
total moron
KYTRwerepyre 0
@#146 i completely agree 'and you cuting yourself has made me so sad that im going to go do it' seriously people saying she's emo she did it by 'accident' so get over yourselves
c0nfuzzled 0
NEVER trust dull people with sharp knives sharp knives dull people= BAD
Chuqs 0
this was funnier than the original FML
3mikey1 9
LMFAO!
FaiIedAtLife 0
WIN 78!!
gracecoop 0
haha 78!
just_laugh_along 0
the knives aren't the dull thing in this situation...
ipwnnoobz 0
I'm emo and I cut myself but not every does
ActionFearo 39
Sharpest knife in the drawer...
Ginathy 0
Pft, at least it was your palm. YDI
Eddie_Paints 0
How many stitches did ya get?
UberFail79 0
@2, yeah, seeing as how I test MY knives on the tip of my penis...
Night22_fml 4
like a MANLY MAN.
Nandito2 0
don't u mean "at least she was in the kitchen"!?
16rrpass 0
What does YDI mean?
mcrxlover5 0
you deserved it
Shadow1368 17
#185 YDI means You Deserve It.
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Sun_Kissed18 25
Yeah, they are more dangerous than sharp ones, but thats only when using them, not when trying to be emo o.O
ipts 0
he said laughably dull. im think maybe ste sharpness of a screwdriver.
jellybear28 13
Yea... Knives are sharp. Cutting to show how dull they r is a nono
Metzler31 17
well that was a YDI, no exceptions
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
FatalWedgie 0
^ yep. this
ipts 0
no! he doesnt deserve to die cuz he knew a knife was dull! u guys are just terrible...
Boddmon 0
But she didn't know
karina_said 0
beware of sharks nearby.. or vampires
idkweird 0
This made me giggle. Also, I totally imagined the look of shock on both their faces when she sliced her skin open, lol. Is that morbid? I think the OP will see the humor soon enough!
swglol 0
^#8 win! Just like what Bella did in New Moon. Got a papercut and vampires came pounding on her.
srgspartan117 8
no just no! WE DONT NEED SPARKLY FAGGOTS!
ActionFearo 39
But they're sparkly and cold and white and gross... Why wouldn't you want them around :|
MrsUchiha 0
Really, you couldn't have used paper or something?
ActionFearo 39
Or a fruit or something
CallMeHush 1
YDI Dumbass.
iamchuck 0
Sings - It cuts like a knife.....-
karina_said 0
"...but it feels so right"
TheAbsentOne 0
Dumbass. YDI for sure.
ryguy997 0
moron. YDI.