Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (197)
loginbeen 0
lol I did that before
phatdaddy 0
A sharp tool is a safe tool, but NOTHING is idiot-proof.
FYLDeep 26
So the knifes were sharp after all. Where's the FML?
idkweird 0
That she didn't know they were sharp and, therefore, sliced her hand.
FYLDeep 26
No the OP is from the UK. That's perfectly normal over there.
judetheobvious 0
YDI, not least for confirming the myth that all brummies are thick as pigshit
r21s03 0
haha @8 I'd be scared of vamps more then sharks
Wileypube 0
Nice one, Worf.
letmeinplease 0
'Laughably dull'... That's how you entertain your friends? Showing them how useless your knives are? At least you hurt yourself and gave them some real entertainment.
cono1717 0
And your dad just stood there and watched you do that?
thrice324 0
Where does it say anything about her dad being in the room? She most likely found out that he sharpened them when her dad asked about the gash in her hand. And no she wouldn't have figured it out herself after slicing her hand open, OP has already proven to be too dull for that.
protooler31 0
one of the reasons why dull knives are MORE dangerous than sharp ones... since you are more likely to play with them like toys and do stupid shit with them because if they aren't sharp, they aren't dangerous, right? wrong....YDI
frankiefan 0
Its like one of those movies where a badass purposefully cuts his palm... you should have made a blood pact with your friend.