Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
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Top comments
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
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Comments (197)
bordercolliemom 0
ydi your neurons don't fire
youthink_fml 0
Every time I think I've read the about the stupidest thing someone could do.........
evig_fml 16
lol
FerrariCake 2
Next time you should demonstrate by swiping it across your scrotum. At least then the rest of us won't have to deal with you passing along your defective genes.
katmandont 0
Well, he is now! Perhaps he did demonstrate by using his scrotum
blastvortex 4
Haha. Wow. You sliced your hand, stuck a knife in your foot, and stuffed your foot in your mouth, all in the same go. That's really something, OP.
corambis 13
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
ipts 0
ooo, pun!
KurouTenshi 0
you're overlooking the obvious plus: now that you have liquid flowing profusely from your hand, you should have enough lube to comfortably **********! you have to find the positive things in life, OP.
lazaruz 0
next time look a little closer
KurouTenshi 0
@52 I know it says OP is Female, but I'll bet she has a penis, like Beyonce!
ActionFearo 39
You mean lady gaga?
heypeoplezzz 0
Ouch! That hurt my hand :|
lionandthelamb61 9
I think it's funny how laughably dull you are
MrC19 0
dumbfuk lol
LaLaJuice 0
YDI ........... dumbass