Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
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Top comments
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
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Comments (197)
madskillz3088 0
you should have shoved it in your ass!!!! that'll show them it works!!
TailsThePrower71 4
And the Darwin award should go to....
SilenceLegion 0
AHAHAHAHA you dumbass
madskillz3088 0
your mom for using knifes herself.... how do you think you became a dumpster baby :)
bunny911 16
*ahem* it's knives. knifes is incorrect...
applesmoothiee 2
this is an awesome FML (not all emos cut you guys =])
gtdoll 0
finally! I was waiting for someone to say that. I hate steryotypes. for example, I listen to a Britney spears song and the whole god damned world comes crashing down cuz it's not screamo...
amiemariej 0
what are you 5? thinking this was EVER a good idea makes you deserve it
GatitaPelusita 0
how did you not notice?! I mean before you try to slice your palm open why wouldn't you brush your finger against tha blade to make sure. it is an instinct.
Starfire22 5
Wow, op nice job, maybe next time demonstrate on a fruit or vegetable, not on your ownself...
astro_plastic 0
Who are you, Jeffrey Dahmer? FYL indeed.
420smoke420 3
ydi