Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed, "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a Dementor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML
Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
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Top comments
Rumbelle_fml 22
That's a clear violation of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and I sincerely hope you reported him to the Ministry.
Gaga_is_God6969 13
LMFAO. I'm sorry....but that's kinda awesome, actually.
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Comments (101)
Gaga_is_God6969 13
LMFAO. I'm sorry....but that's kinda awesome, actually.
abu4u 26
Maybe OP lives in Hogwarts
hayleyharlequin 12
#1, that was my first thought too!
Nicholi124 10
Lmao probably one of the best FML I've ever seen lol
SomeRandomGuy15 18
14- Pft, nah. Dumbledore would never let Dementors into Hogwarts, unless they were guarding the school from a wanted criminal... OP is obviously close to Azkaban.
MuseFan1991 14
35-Dumbledore couldn't control the dementors all the time. how else did they end up in Little Whinging?
Wizardo 34
"The Force is in the odds with this muggle" - Sherlock Holmes from Doctor Who
lambda_fml 40
OP: Be gone or I shall suck you...r soul.
FluttersPatronus 3
Dumbledore? Pfft, what an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar. Rumbleroar's the headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can TALK.
kait11 16
Haha what an epic old man. I wonder what his patronus would be
capslockisgood 19
Stray animals
Dracoboxer357 36
Oscar the Grouch. :P
maxmoose 2
His patronus would be a kind hearted dog!
honestjane 22
Bill the Cat
lsmith6150 18
Whiskey bottle
Boredumm 6
A shopping cart?
ArgentumAurum 24
His denchers
Lacist 19
I would have laughed it off, it's not like he saw your face and did that.
CambodianPenguin 15
That is the most awesome old man ever
Rumbelle_fml 22
That's a clear violation of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and I sincerely hope you reported him to the Ministry.
kakarot2 11
I read that in Dolores Umbridge's voice and I felt like slapping you in the face. I hated that woman so much.
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
Although as a Dementor is involved, this could be classed as a life or death situation and therefore magic performed in such situation can be in the presence of muggles.
Rumbelle_fml 22
#12, this is true, but to mistake a human (and potential muggle, at that!) for a demontor implies that the wizard in question was overeager in his action. Moreover, to leave the target in posession of her memory after the event without even attempting to notify the Ministry... Unthinkable. #11, it's ok, we all hated her. That's what made her so amazing. She was a fantastic character, but a bloody dreadful person. :')
bikramkohli 11
*hem* *hem*
emala1096 17
For gods sake, Dolores, do you need a cough drop?
legitkitty 11
I wish the homeless guys in my town were that cool!
RpiesSPIES 27
Dementors are awesome, though. You suck heat out of everything around you so you're never cold :D Plus you can feast on people's delicious souls.
TheDrifter 24
Bah, dementors are overrated, far too obvious. If you want the most out of a soul you have to sneak it out without them knowing.
R4inb0wBrit3 13
44, Your profile picture completes your comment.
Mossears133 15
44- Well, if she's munching on Muggle souls, then they wouldn't be able to see her, so wouldn't that count as sneaking up?
kthxbie 10
Did you give him the death kiss?
jellycorn 13
It's just the dementors' kiss
Mister_Triangle 21
But op isn't actually a dementor, so the kiss of death is entirely plausible.
Albanic 7
Gotta Love humor for the soul! :-D
karlcolt45 19
dude I would have used that as a running gag the rest of my day
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Kudos to that braze citizen...standing up to a dementor all by himself!
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Oops! *brave