Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML
Today, my hubby thought he made me queef during sex. I was too embarrassed ro tell him it was a fart I was holding in, but couldn’t once I orgsmed. FML
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
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Top comments
Pitbull305 9
Those are tears of elation. He just experienced a magical moment.
kingoirish 4
best wife ever
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Comments (126)
onorexveritas 24
aww xD just keep telling him its fine, he'll come around ;)
kellyelly 9
Awe! Lol.
twiztedone 19
Your not even my wife and I love you! He was probably just embarrassed and felt bad he farted in your face!
Relenaz 9
I wonder if he knows she is sharing this in public. xD
GillesOrElse 5
Hmmmm.. If I read between the lines I read: Getting asked to brush your teeth with hubbies "special toothpaste" is not a FML for you... Getting a nice facial shower straight out of the "old waste desposal system" is not a FML for you.. Having a man who cries when he is embarresed to the bone cause he is sensitive.. Now thats when you say FML!! Would you rather have him say.. "I told you to stop making that haggis and bean stew so you totally deserve that.. Now go and make me my breakfast.. And it beter contain some large portions of bacon!!.."? Be glad your husband is sensitive.. There are enough douchebags allready.. And now that I pointed out how amazing your husband is.. You should give him a double do-over first thing in the morning.. And throw in a little lapdance while you're at it!! HE deserves it.. To make up for you posting this FML here!!
akiahara 14
Being overly sensitive is like being a different flavor of douchebag.
charvisioku 22
I don't understand why everyone's so amazed that there's a woman on the planet who'll give her husband a morning BJ O.o Is that seriously so unusual..?
SeepingSarcasm 7
A morning BJ on any day other than your birthday, combined with her just laughing off the fart, is unusual indeed. Sadly. Do feel free to start a Facebook campaign promoting this, you would be loved forever once you succeed!
SApprentice 34
59- I feel like it probably is fairly abnormal, if only for sanitary reasons. There's a lot of bacteria and yeast that like to grow in the warm, moist crotch environment. After sleeping all night, especially considering how much some people sweat while sleeping, people really should get up to wash their junk before going for morning sexy times. Then again, I'm one of those women who is very prone to urinary tract infections. I take low dose chronic antibiotics to combat breakthrough infections, which do help a lot, but even now I cannot have sex unless my partner washes beforehand or else I end up with a problem. I'm also very sensitive in other ways, so unwashed intercourse will usually leave me with a yeast infection as well. Farts and ******** don't gross me out, but I know a lot of women who have my problems, so that could contribute to some of the reluctance to perform morning blow jobs or have sex. It just seems too risky, I guess, to just roll over and grab your mate.
snazzymcwho 21
Yeah I don't get it either. I feel like lots of these commenters are unmarried teenagers who base their worldly opinions on stuff they see on TV and in movies. Not real life! I know many women who love to give and receive oral. I oblige my hubby more often than just his birthday. Sheesh. it's really not that rare.
thekidracb 7
this man's wife is amazing, you need to teach classes
ozpunker 20
BEST WIFE EVER
BananerzFresh 12
Well you let it slide and he should too. These things happen.
Married2handsome 13
You guys haven't been married long, have you?
thewife5 19
I've been arrived 14 years and my husband still gets morning wake up calls. Happy man= happy woman