Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

Phones are bad for you

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

Metal Cat

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

No typing! Only petting!

Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML

No napping, only feeding

Today, I've had a cold that just won't go away for the past few days. After staying painfully awake for most of the day, I eventually fell asleep in the afternoon. When I woke up, I found my hungry cat sitting on my chest. She then sneezed in my face and walked out of the room. FML

Butterfingers

Today, I dropped a bottle when moving my cat supplies. and just my luck it fell onto my iPhone and broke the screen. I don’t have enough money to replace it. FML

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

Last splash

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML