Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
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Top comments
igese 11
start jacking off next 2 her
Argumental_Rhino 8
You must be doing something wrong.
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Comments (201)
ciumegu 6
Step you're game up bro.
racinghart09 4
*your
Grammar_Nazi_97 0
Beat me to it...
bebohacker1 4
Grammar Nazi, you're cut.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
I honestly think that I've learned more grammar lessons on FML than all my years in school.
devil_laugh 8
Haha. Lol. XD
goliatron 9
Put your shirt on, bro.
datoismyname 22
#12 that would be a situation where you use "your"
Tezoma 28
You're supposed to sit and watch.
ObsessedWithGays 7
You're obviously doing something wrong.
Argumental_Rhino 8
Look at the other comments before you post please.
dyslexic_jd 10
I kno that feel
Grammar_Nazi_97 0
I know that feeling* It was so bad that just rewriting it was easier.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I love how that was her first thought. Probably didn't even open her eyes.
aron7628 5
Damn, She did that without ****, great imagination...
TheMathMajor 26
It's not that difficult to do it without ****... And it never said that she wasn't watching **** anyways. Also, to answer your question in the parenthetical on your profile: gay men.
auzz1_pride 9
22) judging from your profile it sounds like you got a pretty low self esteem, And anyone that jacks off with just imagination I congratulate you.
niplipsip 9
I'm sure plenty of people do it all of the time. **** makes me laugh.
BigScott 13
Bah, everyone needs a little time for themselves from time to time. Not a 'sucks' moment, not really a YDI... I'm sure you've taken matters into your own hands since being married, so let it be.
1crabbygirl 10
*thank you*
HITide76808 0
She probably got an ****** before you attempted the offer. She was in full control dont bother her
perdix 31
Yeah, buddy, you've got to realize that it's hard to beat her own hand. She knows exactly what she wants and can give it to herself at any time. Hopefully, you can use your man parts to fill in the gaps.
unknown_user5566 27
That's what I was thinking, Perdix. Now I'm not saying women don't like sex, but sometimes flying solo is preferable. Don't take it personally, OP. Sit back and enjoy the show. ;)
perdix 31
It's like that old joke. Q: How is bridge like sex? A: If you've got a good hand, you might as well go it alone.
justin_noble 6
Looks like she is better off single
MidnaLink 35
So not cool...