Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
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Top comments
burdenofaday 0
Tip for the future next time you want to go at your girl with your hands. Have her lay on her back on top of you so you can touch her much in the same way she touches herself. Yes, it's ******* hot and will probably lead places. :]
uminuscooll 0
I resent Jaywin's comment! I'm actually very good at hand jobs!! But I see where your girl is coming from! Guys are more aggressive with the whole fingering deal, it's always nice to have a ladies touch
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Comments (66)
horriblestories 0
Maybe you just suck at pleasuring women. Have you ever thought about being gay?
deeznutzismine 0
#6 - Maybe they are... Ever thought about going straight if you are a lesbian?
christyxbee 15
Haha
uminuscooll 0
I resent Jaywin's comment! I'm actually very good at hand jobs!! But I see where your girl is coming from! Guys are more aggressive with the whole fingering deal, it's always nice to have a ladies touch
MegamiKaosu 28
I on the other hand like it rougher something I can't fully accomplish myself without my fiancé to do it
Quid_Pro_Quo 1
A ladies touch can be nice, but I'm into guys and a guy's "aggressive" hands turn me on lol
burdenofaday 0
Tip for the future next time you want to go at your girl with your hands. Have her lay on her back on top of you so you can touch her much in the same way she touches herself. Yes, it's ******* hot and will probably lead places. :]
twinkle_nipso_O 0
Omg... sounds seriously hot! I will let my boyfriend in on this!
CaptainCasual 0
She said "Don't ruin it"? If I were you I would have walked out the room, out the door, in the car and gone home, and never answered the phone for her again. Period. Then, apparently, I would jump on Amazon and order "Oral for Dummies". If you had a decent girl, she would let you experiment and play. Or at least watch, then let you in after. #10 is exactly right. Good way to make it a surprise is to 'watch a movie'. Obviously don't get one that she'll be too interested in, otherwise this may backfire. Then sit on the couch and get her to sit between your legs, (grab a blanket to lure her into it ;), then start giving her a tummy massage. Work your way up before you work your way back down.
mleeb 0
sounds like you deserved this one.
holynemesis1208 3
i hope you stayed and watched and enjoyed yourself at least.
liveitlearnit 0
I think that that's a really great way to diffuse an awkward moment and turn it into something hot. Too bad she missed out.
burdenofaday 0
@#21: If he hasn't been doing that already and she hasn't bothered to tell him what she likes and dislikes, there are probably deeper issues. :P
maiden_girl 5
ROFL! Wow... that's priceless! But I agree, don't be sad. Maybe she didn't feel like asking you to interpret what she really wanted.