Today, I went to my high school reunion, hoping to dazzle my old classmates with my career in investigative journalism. Instead, I ended up getting drunk and falling asleep in the bathroom stall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML
Today, at my high school reunion, my old bully tried to apologize but I told her to fuck off. She wouldn't leave me alone, so I purposely spilled my drink on her. I got kicked out. FML
Today, I attended my high school reunion and was feeling good about the gym progress I’d made. Looking fabulous, I was ready to relive my glory days when I got into a conversation with someone I didn’t recognize. He had to remind me that we were in the same chemistry class for two years. I had no idea who he was. FML
Today, I got an invite to my high school reunion. With visions of wowing my former classmates, I set about starting a diet and exercise regimen. The universe had other plans. On my first run out in the fields, I managed to trip over an invisible pebble, fall into a puddle, and fuck my ankle up. The only thing I'm reuniting with now is my couch and a bag of ice. FML
Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML
Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML
Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML
Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML
Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
Story at 11:00
ODBeefalo 10
Amateur razzle dazzle move right here... you went past the 70/30 point of no return. Never go past 70% razzle or you wind up on a slope that drags you down. you need to learn to switch from razzle to dazzle closer to 60% razzle mark. And don't dazzle to early or you won't have any build up to rely on. TLDR; less razzle more dazzle, switch at about 60% razzle and you should be fine.
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Comments (5)
ahabsfan 17
Story at 11:00
1known 34
You seem to have a fun life. Maybe you should look for some help? All the best!
BurnInDemonFire 39
You must work for Fox News.
ODBeefalo 10
Amateur razzle dazzle move right here... you went past the 70/30 point of no return. Never go past 70% razzle or you wind up on a slope that drags you down. you need to learn to switch from razzle to dazzle closer to 60% razzle mark. And don't dazzle to early or you won't have any build up to rely on. TLDR; less razzle more dazzle, switch at about 60% razzle and you should be fine.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Breaking News: Investigative journalist parties too hard, can't hold liquor.