Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML
Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
She probably figured that since you last for about 30 seconds in bed at best, you could probably wank off nearly as fast.
Inkoseh 33
I think it was more of the fact that she asked him to hurry up after she told him to, not the fact that she said 'no' in the first place.
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Comments (8)
MitiMiki 16
A word of advice, friend... You can be single and wank off. Hoping this was an anomaly in your relationship. If not, you may want to reconsider your reasons for being married.
Inkoseh 33
I think it was more of the fact that she asked him to hurry up after she told him to, not the fact that she said 'no' in the first place.
RichardPencil 32
She probably figured that since you last for about 30 seconds in bed at best, you could probably wank off nearly as fast.
E2dav 5
people say things they don't mean when they're tired...plus she probs thought you'd be finished already within 3 mins
lowshadows 21
marriage life at it's best xD
Smgreene 15
If you have to lock the door when you wank... you need to look at other issues besides sex.
lj2000 5
Why are you wankin in the bathroom as an adult that’s some high school ass shit right there
J15237 25
Sorry dude that is just part of married life.
randybryant799 21
So maybe she's use to you finishing fast??