Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
She turned your aquarium into a vomitorium... Good luck finding Nemo in there.
Omfgitsmia 15
She sounds like a mess. Maybe you should live alone.
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Comments (83)
Kingbreezy04 10
You should have looked on Craigslist for a roommate. You can trust "anything" that's posted on Craigslist.
oped01 8
Where are U getting your roommates from. The Jersey Shore?
ultimatitan 1
Who is chunks?? Lol good luck OP
cmbar831 14
Blew chunks means vomit...chunks of whatever the heck they ate
Kingbreezy04 10
I think he meant "blew", as in *******, fellatio, head, becky, slobbin' the knob, dome, wetting the whistle, putting his "D" in her "M", or the oldie but goodie....sucking a penis. All this talk about *******'s has me wishing my name was Chunks.
j_cat187 20
Stupid drunk. I would just barf all over my pants and socks.
Steve95401 49
She wasted beer? That definitely is a deal breaker. Your roommate needs to go.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Buy Piranhas.
DanielleinDC 34
This makes me glad I CAN afford to live alone. My only roommate is of the feline persuasion.
Axel5238 29
Sorry that happened op. Hope she doesn't drink like that normally, but first night that is not a good sign.
chanellgymnast 17
You poor unfortunate soul.
KiddNYC1O 22
Work hard to live alone. Roommates aren't your thing.