Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
She turned your aquarium into a vomitorium... Good luck finding Nemo in there.
Omfgitsmia 15
She sounds like a mess. Maybe you should live alone.
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Comments (83)
E_Choate 3
This is eerily similar to my 2nd roommate experience. Did your first roommate invite demons into the apartment too?
spliit_fml 8
OP it sounds like you are the type that has to live alone. Get rid of your new roommate and try living alone for awhile.
qwertkinz 12
Poor fish..
Satoaoi 13
oh damn man that's nasty as hell
yangliu 3
getastraponandconquerher！
jeaster 1
I'll live with her! She sounds like she's going to be fun and you'll have some great stories to tell
GarageDragon 22
Hoo boy. I get that. I have a housemate like that too.
fre4k0 3
Learn to love to party!
wlddog 14
Look Noor, I said I was sorry. How many times do you have to bring that up? I bought you flowers, i gave you candy, I even paid off your Visa card. Can we not get through this? I was drunk and it was just a bet between friends. He said his hand could cut your butt better then mine. How was I suppose to prove him wrong???
cgibson1890 3
i would have choked that bitch out... you need to puke in her fav shoes