Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML
Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
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Top comments
michaelaranda 28
Goat luck trying to get him to stop kidding around.
auest 15
Find some other obscure creature like that, and simply do it back. Eventually he will stop if you make it embarrassing enough. Either way, FYL OP
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Comments (53)
tomvertigo 17
Sounds an awful lot like you should be single.
newburton13 26
Start feeding him garbage like a goat. He'll stop.
pinkster2014 25
Your boyfriend is the GOAT
candicane79 9
I had a boyfriend that liked to grab inappropriate body parts of mine in public places. He thought it was hilarious and I didn't. After I asked him to stop about 50 times and he wouldn't, I just started doing it back to him in public. He was mortified and instantly stopped doing it to me. Worth a try.
TheRealPitBoss 17
that's the best fml I've ever seen! I'm crying...
DiscordianLife 5
I'm so sorry Op, um, I think you should inform him that they 'snort' and 'garble' their URINE. They pee on their heads and use it as mouthwash. I know this because I've raised goats.
KryssLB 14
DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS.
Sonjuro 7
Going purely by the username, any chance your boyfriend is the same guy that shaved his entire body and needed help?
TehAnderz 11
He just wants to ram his head into you
ChrisMora 16
That's goat to be one of the most kiddish things imaginable.
fmlsams 27
Just wait. Male goats also urinate all over themselves when they see a girl they like or are "in the mood..."