Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled, "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in two weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML
Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML
Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML
Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML
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Top comments
Callyn 47
If you're not happy about that, no one is forcing you to stay with him. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is an important thing and if the two of you aren't on the same page about it there is nothing wrong with calling it quits over this.
HotDog300 8
So you’re FML is being embarrassed to tell your conservative bf you **********? Seems like not a good match if you feel so worried about it causing tension.
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Comments (10)
Ricky Liu 1
Lol so funny
Callyn 47
If you're not happy about that, no one is forcing you to stay with him. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is an important thing and if the two of you aren't on the same page about it there is nothing wrong with calling it quits over this.
HotDog300 8
So you’re FML is being embarrassed to tell your conservative bf you **********? Seems like not a good match if you feel so worried about it causing tension.
RichardPencil 32
The lazy bastard can still finger you or buy you a vibrator. You really ought to dump him and find someone with a 21st century attitude about sex.
rotflqtms_ 21
She agreed to be in a relationship with him knowing this. If they're not on the same page, maybe they don't belong together, but he has his beliefs, so don't rag on him just because it's not the same as yours. Who knows, maybe they won't work out, but if she's not satisfied, she has a mouth, she can speak up, then maybe they can both find someone who shares their beliefs on sex.
tounces7 28
So leave, you're clearly not compatible if you have such wildly different ideals.
AmbrosiaFan 19
Good on him. If you don't like it, break up with him.
TxKitten79 10
Sweetie, there are anazing toys out there. Get a thrusting rabbit type vibrator and a Hitachi Wand.
Sonotsuave 37
Lord tell me where I find these religious people I want your problem. Usually gender wise it’s the other way around