Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML
Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
It's obvious...she actually controls the minds of goats, so she told the goat to ram into your genitals. Happens all the time.
erinnrose 9
That's a sign you should get over her
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Comments (96)
CallMeMcFeelii 14
She's just breaking your balls. Haha.
heyguysitsjosh 8
Worst pun ever.
TheFamilyElf 17
10- I don't even have any balls, and I still sympathy-cringe at the mental image of such a thing!
GothicAngel17 24
He was just kidding around.
uberdubers 3
18 - Best pun ever. I applaud you :)
heyguysitsjosh 8
29- now I feel stupid for not getting her joke.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
37 - Kid... goat... :-)
Epsilonyx 15
It's obvious...she actually controls the minds of goats, so she told the goat to ram into your genitals. Happens all the time.
Docbee 11
Or she and the goat are conspiring a female +goat world domination. You were the test subject for a soon-to-be global crisis.
zandalee 20
Revenge is sweet.
ohSNAPyall 27
She's the woman who stares at goats.
jweezy89 4
So this domination will take place with a series of goat kicks to ballsacks? I'm pretty sure our military is equipped to handle that.
KiddNYC1O 22
Thank you, Flo.
erinnrose 9
That's a sign you should get over her
ikmfp 7
I must admit if there is some kinda deity out there seems like he is sayin "Remember these down here? Stop being a pussy and get over it."
AugustBurnsToast 14
4-Agreed, because the goat making her laugh probably stands a better chance than he does haha
ydi_4_suking 20
She's laughing at him getting hit in the balls. I don't think are going too great
cokee1233 5
Awwwww you poor thing! A broken heart and aching balls, couldn't get much worse :(
TrueTriage 16
*starts raining*
PizzaRollsss 5
*spontaneous combustion*
daradara_fml 4
hahaha
hahachun 4
If she cared for you deeply she would have asked if you were alright and look sad. But that's not what happened.
boofgall 16
My first human instinct would be laughter, quickly followed by concern, I'll be honest.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Bollocks. Watching someone get hit in them is funny. It's a long established comedic principle. I love my husband madly and watched him get hit in the balls once (kid with terrible aim kicked a ball). I asked if he was alright but there wasn't a thing I could do to help so I laughed. After a bit, he laughed, too. I'm not saying she loves him, just that she has a sense of humour. If OP's humour doesn't line up with hers or he expected some outpouring of grief, it's no wonder they didn't work out.
nabee26 15
7- What are you? Like 5 or something. She's suppose to look "sad".
PROdigy81 4
58- I'm guessing that you're the 5 year old considering your comment makes no sense because you forgot a D in supposed, and either you used the wrong punctuation, or you misread the FML.
GothicAngel17 24
*An. I'm not normally a grammar nazi, but that one annoys me to no end.
Trix_Disorder 20
Surprised we got to comment 9 without anyone saying it.
GothicAngel17 24
So am I, tbh. You watch, the mods will change it to the correct way and then my comment will make me look like a halfwit.
TheFamilyElf 17
At least you've got her laughing.... That's a good sign...right? ...So what if her laughter only required some crazy barn animal to attack your potential children, eh?
GothicAngel17 24
Watch out dude, the goat is trying to steal her from you. You should never trust a goat, they're evil.
ShyAnn29 15
Actually goats do not eat everything, I had one, her name was Suzy! Btw I know 24's comment was supposed to be funny
UltimateGIRness 16
12-I agree,I have a goat and he is mean
WitchyWife667 5
She's right those little bastards are horny
Blacksxe 1
Well that is always a start.