Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
dathan 14
You're such a bitch. You don't even trust your boyfriend when he's tying to save your best friend's life. No srsly that sucks.
jamza 10
Sneeze... Then tell him your allergic to bullshit
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Comments (107)
BountyBass 13
Sounds legit.
TheOnlyX 11
About as legit as that fishing trip.
gigglesmg 6
As someone who has a severe and life threatening peanut allergy I find this both offensive and insulting
oceanbeauty 17
You created an account to say you're insulted by OP's boyfriends comment? I really think that is the least of OP's, worries right now.
ambowew 7
#15 Is most likely the best friend. Your fib has been outed, no need to dig yourself a deeper grave. /just what I gathered from the post, rather than being insulted by the poor excuse.
BellaBelle_fml 23
It's people like you that have completely ruined genuine politeness and turned people into paranoids for fear of being labeled as intolerant, sexist, perverted, or racist. Granted, there are true jerks in this world, but it's become almost impossible to say or do so many harmless things. Lighten up and just enjoy your life, don't allow people to offend you so easily. You can't live your entire life getting offended by everything people say to you, you will become a very angry and bitter person. And that's really no way to live is it?
benmec 18
I too take my peanut butter very seriously
gigglesmg 6
I am not the best friend I live in a different state. And I really do have life threatening allergies. If I ingest any peanut or peanut product I will most definitely die with out immediate medical attention. For discounting my medical disability, shame in you
Strychnine_fml 9
You sound like an attention *****.
gigglesmg 6
I just feel like people minimize deadly common allergies and they need to learn that that to some people a peanut is as deadly as a bullet.
anencephalic 14
28 - just ingesting peanuts? Pfft, I know more than one person who can't even inhale inside an enclosed area where any nuts have been intaken.
gigglesmg 6
I believe that but peanuts are not my only life threatening allergy. I was just using it as an example because it was pertinent to this instance
CharresBarkrey 16
Of all the things in the world to get offended by, this is by far the stupidest I've heard. What if I said I had an allergy to your allergies? Can I be offended at your statements?
Psych101 9
There is only one solution to this problem. Eradicate every single peanut. Are hearing the stories of peanut survivors, I can conclude that they are malicious and evil and kill with no regard for human life whatsoever.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I said or even implied that I didn't believe that you have a serious allergy, or allergies as you have stated. I simply said that you might want to consider lightening up a bit. But hey, if you genuinely wish to continue being overly offended by the simplest things, then go for it! I truly hope you are able to overcome your sensitivity to such menial things and live a happy life. I also hope that you are able to prevent any life-threatening situations with your allergies. Be cautious but not overly offended. Again, have a great day :)
TomPusslicker 21
First off, your name is giggles...and second, how have you not died already, being that you ARE a nut?
Calingaladha 21
Good luck with not being an attention *****, giggles. Break a legume!
Tuffay 14
Quit fighting the inevitable then, and enjoy one last PB&J. Your welcome!
ambear26 14
Giggles I don't think your peanut allergy has anything to do with this FML post. Obviously the boyfriend is making up an excuse because he just got busted she doesn't have a peanut allergy I don't see how that would be offensive it's not racist its not sexist.
andrew6p 19
The excuse is a bit cliche dont ya think op?
nachosbabygurl 9
is that wat they call it these days
Starv 6
your comment made me laugh, "is that what they call it these days". something a elderly would say. You are 17...
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well count your blessings OP. Looks like you (I presume now ex) boyfriend is an absolute idiot and your (I presume now ex) best friend is a very untrustworthy person. They clearly deserve each other.
MuseFan1991 14
you have to give these douchebags some credit for the imaginative excuses they come up with
CharresBarkrey 16
Imaginative, yes. Logical? No.
anencephalic 14
Well, he really is quite good at improvising. My suggestion? Put him in all kinds of hellish trouble and observe, with pleasure and laughter, the results.
mosquito19 14
they wanted to get caught on purpose
BellaBelle_fml 23
Why would anyone who is cheating want to be caught?
ohSNAPyall 27
He's just a squirrel trying to get a nut.
Llamacod 11
wouldn't she be the squirrel trying to get a nut?
laden_swallow09 35
By how? Sucking out the poison from her tongue? If that's the best lie he could come up with, be grateful he's your ex, now.
Llamacod 11
I reread the post and I see nothing that states that he is an "ex".