Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
dathan 14
You're such a bitch. You don't even trust your boyfriend when he's tying to save your best friend's life. No srsly that sucks.
jamza 10
Sneeze... Then tell him your allergic to bullshit
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Comments (107)
dathan 14
You're such a bitch. You don't even trust your boyfriend when he's tying to save your best friend's life. No srsly that sucks.
whiteboy896 9
I know right? why even try to make an excuse?
gc327072 31
42- thatsthejoke.jpg
Nabee143 3
Duh!! Everybody KNOWS that sucking face will prevent an allergic reaction and save someone's life. Geez, where the hell have you been your whole life!
doglover100 29
At first I was "are you serious?". I see what you did there haha.
CptZoe 10
He is a hero!
CaptainDoorknob 7
They shall build statues in his honor.
MormonPornstar 7
Erect them :)
Draxanoth 15
Sounds like your man is very stupid under pressure.
onlychildFTW 34
What if he was telling the truth?!?! He had to suck that peanut butter out of her mouth with his tounge! Someone had to do it. Sorry OP though. That does suck.
protoskore 27
well, blood flow at the time was obviously not being directed at his brain :)
jokesta187 11
12- Yes you're right. Because God gave man both a brain and a penis. But not enough blood to supply them both.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
35 - God does not exist. < D >
LiesAndMischief 4
53 - Really? You just had to make that comment?
d_unsub 12
lol Yeah a true hero for sure, and I'm not surprised she was having an allergic reaction cos err ...... white is not a normal color for butter
BellaBelle_fml 23
d_unsub; What on earth are you even talking about?
klovemachine 24
Even though the excuse is lame, he gets an A for effort :D
chippa 24
#68, cum!
silverstream20 20
Yeah 53 that is a bit uncalled for.
jamza 10
Sneeze... Then tell him your allergic to bullshit
jacsoccerdude3 10
Quick question. Why sneeze?
TheOnlyX 11
*clears throat* Well other than the clearly obvious joke, it's also a reference to I, Robot, but maybe you don't get out much. Förefan.
turkturkington 13
Shove the peanut butter down her throat and lodge the jar on to his head.
starburst7596 14
Well that escalated quickly......
TheBeastiest 6
Oh yeah. Cause we live in the 18th century and people still get aids from toilet seats. Smh.
Grimmerie 31
Excuse you.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I fail to see the connection.
anencephalic 14
People never really did get AIDS from toilet seats, just toilet sex.
jizzwold 21
Also, aids wasn't even around until the late 1900s.
annie_nk 23
Don't cha know? He was sucking all the peanut butter out so she wouldn't swell up like a balloon. No special shot needed. *heavy sarcasm*
bladedrose 3
I think you should save his life with a swift kick to the nuts, to save him from his "lack of nuthurt" allergies!
HiIAmKevin 8
Kick in the nuts?!?! Sounds like homemade pea-nut butter!
Neligee 9
I hope you didn't believe that ! Move on :|
tne201992 12
Who in the hell, would believe that?
gc327072 31
I dunno, that excuse seems legit.
coried91 28
It's on FML. I highly doubt she believed him.
TheNewGuy03 29
+5 for the boyfriend for the impromptu bullshit excuse. -200,000,000 for him making out with with your best friend. He's only -199,999,995 points in debt; what shall you do?
upsidedownfools 5
Dump his ass...