Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
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Top comments
etchsanity1 11
You pointed out your tiny penis to your girlfriend ... Who may have once been a dude... Ydi
lovepandorasaver 11
Well you single handedly ruined your relationship...
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Comments (112)
nerdyfreak 7
maybe she should try to 'make it bigger'?
biggestfan23 11
If it was already in her hands I'm sure it was the biggest it could possibly be
flockz 20
it could be bigger if it was under a microscope.
onlychildFTW 34
I don't see why a girl would find a dick ring attractive. It's not supposed to have jewelry. I still think a pierced one would be a horrible thing to have. Yikes. Makes me shudder thinking about that.
Axipiter 24
My naive self was thinking engagement ring until you pointed that out 43. Now I'm just... I don't even know the right word for it...
p3mguin 7
Apparently you are the bitch of the penguins, wonderful! Now we can finally chat penguin to bitch...
TurquoiseJesus 15
43- "it's not supposed to have jewelry". Aside from society's standards, why is a necklace or earrings more appropriate than having jewelry on your junk?
laden_swallow09 35
For one, its a VERY sensitive area to pierce. If the slightest chance of infection or injury is exploited, you won't even be able to walk the same even after recovery, not to mention killing nerve endings that will seriously detract from enjoying sex or even making it painful. As for just a ring, you can't wear rubber rings on your penis longer than a few hours or you'll run the risk of injury, as well. An actual metallic ring won't stay put without any other equipment to keep it there because otherwise, it'll just slip off, or cut off circulation when aroused. Effective to encourage chastity, but impractical for mere decoration. C'mon, man. THINK about it!
etchsanity1 11
You pointed out your tiny penis to your girlfriend ... Who may have once been a dude... Ydi
enchi999 8
Gf may not necessarily have been a guy, I know a few females who were born females but have larger hands.
doctorhook86 25
2: So the guy has a small penis, and you assume his girlfriend is a transsexual? I think you're missing a few steps in your logic, bro.
unknown_user5566 27
Doctor, I think he made that comment because of the girlfriend's man hands.
patrickalamo 48
Man card revoked...
SMD_emilyy 1
If you had enough time to stop and focus on the size your penis appears in her man hands, it must not have been very enjoyable..
timjones 8
Who the **** even looks at their dick when someone's giving them a handjob.
lovepandorasaver 11
Well you single handedly ruined your relationship...
MormonPornstar 7
Single-handedly... heh. I see what you did thur
aKaClickZ 4
47 - who are you? Chingy?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I have to hand it to you OP, that deserves a facepalm.
Harpy20 24
68- your picture goes so well with your fail.
shadowsorel 15
I agree with you. It's what OP gets for dicking around.
BossHighJumper17 0
Sounds like yall have some problems
BossPathfinderGM 14
Well, Hello, Boss Lady. The Boss Man welcomes you to FML.
starbursty 0
Bosshighjumper. You say your 3ed in the nation for high jump. I just spent like 35 mins looking at the top 50 girls for Hj I couldn't find you, I'll give you the chance to prove me wrong. (Not hating) (;
BossHighJumper17 0
Well, I actually am. I placed 3rd in the AAU Junior Olympics. There was girls and guys from all over the US. So therefore 3rd in the nation. So of you would like to look that up too. Be my guest. Oh and I jumped 5'6"
xXSpeer103Xx 0
Not what he ment by hj love
enormouselephant 15
Turn the lights off!
Mister_Triangle 21
Carry me home! Nananannananana!
unknown_user5566 27
Everyone looks the same with the lights off, OP. Turn off the lights, get over the minor imperfections (which seem to be perceived and not actuality), and get down to business.
lelo007 11
I agree! People are so focused on nothing but looks, that it completely ruins their perception of the person that they care about the most, oftentimes ending the relationship because they become so obsessed over that minor imperfection. I hate to admit, I used to be the same way about moles. Weird, I know, but something about them would just irk me to no end. I've lost many good men by being silly, but I am over that now!
SirCharles83 13
Really? I thought kylee looked way hotter in the old picture. Wow. I'm on here WAY too much.
LiterOfCola 16
There's nothing silly about having turn offs. It's normal
whatadaydanny 12
Is your name Peter Griffin, by any chance?
KiddNYC1O 22
Peter got confidence and swag, I doubt he's small.
kyliebear 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Size shouldn't matter..the girls that go spaz over small penises are stupid. Yes, it may not give them pleasure, but that's just rude.
DjeePee 25
You, lady, have a funny, non-logical mind. "A little penis gives no pleasure at all, how dare those girls complain about it!" You do realize you are the rude one by saying that (by which I mean the first part of that sentence), don't you? Anyway, if the sex was good before this discovery, what's the problem - besides a hurted ego? Chicken or Godzilla ****, if you both were happy with it, the actual size shouldn't be such a deal.
onlychildFTW 34
Exactly. If everyone was happy and there was no problem before OP did something stupid. Then what should change now? Nothing should. The penis is still the same as before.
kyliebear 15
I meant much. My sister had a boyfriend with a small penis, and she was always complaining about the sex. I got annoyed and told her that she should be lucky that she had a boyfriend, and one that wasn't self-conscious about it.
DjeePee 25
Boaf... I can understand your sister. I mean, sex is an important part in a relationship. If your sexual needs aren't satisfied, you'll get frustrated and your whole relationship, no matter how good it was, will suffer. Having a small penis doesn't necesarily mean you can't satisfy your partner, you just need to be creative and have some good hands and tongue. Which your sister's boyfriend perhaps missed.
kyliebear 15
Yes, possibly. It was more the fact that she was annoying me every chance she got about her boyfriend. My point (in my original comment) was that girls should just shut up about small dicks and maybe suggest some interesting ideas in bed to give them more pleasure..
DjeePee 25
Thumbs up for you there, Kyliebear.
kyliebear 15
Thankyou. :)
withered 30
#44 So she shouldn't whine about her bf being bad in bed because "she is 'lucky' to have a boyfriend"? What kind of logic is that? That's something I imagine someone very lonely and desperate for any kind of relationship would say. I can see her complaining that he hit her and you'd be "quit your bitching, you're lucky to have a boyfriend!". The point of relationship is to communicate and point things that bother you out. And you're her sister so ofc she confined in you. And there is no luck in having a partner who is bad in bed.
chasestiner 7
You just have a small ****.... Denial boy.
WritingWrongs 8
Wow, that sounds like the most useless superhero... "they're not going to kill the hostages, they're not going to kill the hostages, they're not going..."
gantoman 13
The hostages are dead.
FailBear920 19
It's been said before, but "A small dagger in the hands of a well trained ninja is still a deadly weapon."
nanpooo 6
And there goes your manhood.