Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
iFruit 0
Mom: Counsellor, I'd like you to speak to my son. You see... he touches himself regularly. Counsellor: I do too!
daarlingdamsel 0
Counseling for masturbating? Really?? Teenage boys ********** all the damn time. Hell, men ********** a lot even when they are older!! It's perfectly normal and this woman is a whack job for thinking he needs professional help for it!! No wonder teens are so ****** up nowadays!
sondramcfail 0
Your wife is totally insane. Counseling?? Yeesh. I she like a super-duper Christian type? Or just realllly conservative.
plexico 4
Unless he is shooting his load into the refrigerator, on the walls or into your wife's soiled panties, he is OK.
bexox 0
lol You know that glue that he spilled on the carpet in his room? It's not glue.
dg72592_fml 0
yo your wife is nuts, if i had a son that DIDN'T ********** i'd send him to counseling. thats just not natural
emastermind 0
# 55 is super crazy
liveitlearnit 0
I think it's time to rethink your marriage choice. Your wife sounds CRAZY. I've heard of religious parents disapproving of masturbation... but I've never fathomed the thought that someone would force their child into counseling for being sexually healthy.
Puolukka 4
Anyone who seriously suggests the OP should be rethinking his marriage choice is CRAZY too. Heck yea that woman overreacted...but I wouldn't automatically assume the uncontrollable sobbing was caused by her husband saying the son should turn out like him...She caught her son masturbating and depending on how old he is she maybe simply saw it as her "baby boy" growing up...that can get women emotional sometimes. My Mom had a similar reaction when she found out my 16-year-old brother shaves his pubic hair...she didn't wanna send him to counseling but she said "there must be something wrong with him"...and my Mom is NOT a crazy bitch...and I'm sure neither is the OPs wife or he wouldn't have married her in the first place and obviously they've been together for quite a while if they have a child that we assume is a teenager.
dramakat11 0
Sounds like you come from a family of crazy bitches #107
cpatrick820 3
Your wife is a bitch.
m0ses 0
divorce that bitch
k_i_l_r_o_y 0
that is ****** epic...how the hell did you manage to get her preggo in the first place? is your kid a test tube baby or something?