Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
accatagon 0
I'm more worried about the kid than anyone else.
ReconExpert 0
SHE needs couneseling... and for someone to tell her the rumors from the 60s are false (like, masturbating makes you have hairy palms.
YaoiMeowmaster 0
XD that's messed up How did you turn out for her to for her to cry like that? xD
bluejet 0
Your poor son! haaa and poor youuuu!
mrfreak219 3
wow she is ****** up. would she rather her son **** all of his girlfriends and its weird that people think masturbation is wrong. Masturbation is an alternative to sex, it doesnt make yu a extremly horny son of a bitch, ******* everyone on a first date
lucich 0
oh boy, i feel a rant coming on.. a few points i must comment on: first off- to all those saying stuff like: EVERYBODY masturbates/people who say they don't are lying/people who don't are messed up/etc., have you personally surveyed every single person in the world to see if they do it or not ? i didn't think so. next- i find it rather rude that people are assuming that any person who doesn't ********** is a religious freak, or vice versa. i think that that is creating a mean, & not to mention untrue !, stereotype. [ & by the way, i'm atheist. ] also- all of you who are saying that the guy should divorce his wife, i sincerely hope you are kidding. just because she overreacted is no reason to suggest divorce ! finally- chfanfiction, i applaud you. i don't believe that you are some sexually repressed weirdo, & i don't believe you should feel like you HAVE to do it, just because everyone else supposedly does it. if you don't need to, you don't need to, & everyone should stop telling other people what to do, especially when it comes to sexual pleasure. alright, i'm done, glad i got that out of my system, (:
zackman13 0
i agree, masturbating is ok just iprefer not to because i could have sex if i want pleasure.
jadekp314 0
Messed. Its normal even when young or old you want to do that.
zackman13 0
people ********** to fill a void, you do it out of curiousity, depression or a substitute for having sex. i think its stupid for people to jack-off when they can just have sex.
zackman13 0
people ********** to fill a void, you do it out of curiousity, depression or a substitute for having sex. i think its stupid for people to jack-off when they can just have sex.
Lychee4Life 0
she is probably one of those uptight church mom's. And to all these people saying "amgz wai ********** when you ken jost hav sex". The Guy who posted this mentioned it was his SON. so it's probably some 12-14 year old kid, jesus christ.