Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
Hurt16 0
lmfao I laughed untill I farted lol
HyperExecuter 0
ydi this does not even make sense. she was crying cause he jacks off... I don't see how this is fml
dirrrrrkk 0
my mom encourages it lol
toomuchcrap 0
#123 it is true, many lie on a survayed because that they dot want to admit it to themselves, non the less the world. but some people don't **********, though I think that most people have at least tried.
roymustanglover 0
That's crazy! EVERYONE masturbates! At least 80% of women do, and practically all men! Tell her to do some research before freaking out like that.
lu95 16
maybe she needs to go to counseling...?
sammi_rubs 0
most of the guys (teens) I know that go my school **********
xchapperzx 0
maybe she just doesnt want to accept the fact that her son is growing up...
kbn 0
uhm, she's being stupid... sorry.
Sadochan 0
Tell your ***** wife that masturbation is natural and she should face the ******* facts of life. She would've flicked the bean once, so she's a ******* hypocrite.