Today, I was brushing my teeth. As I bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spat a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put him outside. Unhappy with the situation, he leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile-vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
some people don't like it when u spit on their pussy
Jayymz24 0
look at it this way. at least your teeth are clean, your cats head is clean, and your walls are minty fresh :D
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
xx7000girlxx 0
Haha :D I actually think that it's funny ^^
instnt1nfction 17
ninja cat. WOOOOAAAHH
alpalatini 0
well, ultimately it is better than having you face scratched off....
gemzroxya 0
haha that is so true!
Hotlanta 5
nahh, now the kitty smells minty fresh. nothing better that a fresh smelling kitty ; ) lol
AmandaIsMyName 0
Well maybe you shouldn't have your nasty cat sitting on your counter! Serves you right! Haha
MrVictor_fml 0
doesn't make enough sense to be a true story. you sir, suck.
skizzlerz 0
why was your cat RIGHT by your sink??
ticklezzzxD 5
lmao xD!!! my cat does the exact same thing, that's why i close my door!! he's a turkish van (swimming cat) , and they love playing with water! so he'll jump and sit in my sink and play with running water :P, which is most annoying when i'm brushing my teeth xD. But otherwise, he jumps in the sink and waits for me to turn on the tap so he can play, and by the time he's done playing; he's drenched! soo cute :D
kookoo831 0
its "the walls and I"
charlieohcharlie 12
#89 Actually, it's not, since "the cat" is the subject of that sentence, and not OP and the walls, which make for the object there. L2grammar lulz.
spencer101 0
ydi for having a cat