Today, I was brushing my teeth. As I bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spat a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put him outside. Unhappy with the situation, he leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile-vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
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Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
some people don't like it when u spit on their pussy
Jayymz24 0
look at it this way. at least your teeth are clean, your cats head is clean, and your walls are minty fresh :D
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Comments (143)
HugoBosss_fml 0
You have a cat, nuff said.
Night7 0
don't spit on the pussy. they don't like it
DocBastard 40
See comment #10, funny guy.
AlwaySunny 0
ha real girls swallow..
sourgirl101 29
Swallowing makes the difference between love and like.(:
goodfella925 0
hahahhaXD
instnt1nfction 17
people are still using XD? I thought we had medication for these people
ashseal 11
hahahaha.!!
DeLpHe3zY 7
Youre dumb..
wazzup182FML 3
*yawn, *facepalm
JenL_fml 7
Looks like you got a spitty kitty. :3
jbo116 0
And that... Is why you get a dog :D
paradiseisland01 0
I would have to say perfect timming.
instnt1nfction 17
*timing
ceddyz17 10
oh snap
abluekiwi 0
I would have to say: spell "timing" correctly.
ammmeor 4
purrrrrrrfect
missmaryb 0
YDI for not teaching your cat to stay on the floor where he belongs.
PDeffinP 0
you obviously have never had a cat
RyanMacVey 17
ive always wanted a cat... only pet ive ever had was a stupit goldfish that died after like 3 weeks
instnt1nfction 17
I didn't know we cared
RyanMacVey 17
I guess you don't.
ashseal 11
cats never do what they're supposed to. that's what makes them awesome. they can, for the most part, take care of themselves.
DocBastard 40
Instnt1nfection - Give the guy a break. It's a relevant comment, it isn't offensive, and there's only one spelling error.
RyanMacVey 17
stupid* ... that was the mistake wasn't it???
DocBastard 40
That's the one. You also missed some capitalisation and punctuation, but one step at a time. :)
RyanMacVey 17
lol shut up you
sheethapins 13
F your cat's life,