Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML
Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
Today, I had a gym date with a girl from Tinder. As soon as I saw her loading up the 45s, I knew I was in trouble. She could squat and leg-press over 100 lbs more than me on both. Somehow she let me come over that night anyway. I challenged her to a wrestling match to try and gain back my pride, then she made me tap out. FML
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
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Top comments
newbiehere99 6
So I guess that's the only baby you'll be expecting?
ThatGenericGuy 6
What if they're twins?
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Comments (221)
koolade4_fml 0
EEE... that's a little harsh o_O
afropuffjake 9
Good luck telling him you don't want him in your child's life...
DasHaas 9
`Considering all the bad influences on kids, it can´t hurt to add one more´? That sounds like very dumb reasoning.
st0815 9
#100 … Yeah, I mean - just because he is a raging psychopath he could still be a good grandfather to the child. In between beating up his son in law, he might not hurt the child much - you never know.
RainingDaydreams 0
"We're expecting a baby, but it could be a dinosaur."
Xxlaurahatakexx 9
I think some people accidentally misread and assumed op was a woman. But op, congrats and I hope you have a great life with your wife and child. Your in laws will always be a pain.... No pun intended
tj4234 36
you 'were' expecting a baby?
DasHaas 9
I'm guessing your father in law needs to do a LOT of apologising if he ever wants to see his grandchild. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. I would not bring my child to a man who acted like this, ever. That's a horrible influence on them.
Dracoboxer357 36
101- Totally agree with you, even if he found their pregnancy disagreeable, there is no excuse for that level of reaction outside a mental institution. :P
davek 36
There are a surprising amount of FML posters whose partners' dads are Marines.
mightymart 5
Err your stepfather has issues .. Seriously
freshlybreezy 15
Errrmmm...you might wanna re-read that FML. It's his future father-in-law...Not his step-father.
chimcharx3 15
For some reason, this reminds me of sergeant Johnson from the Halo series.
fordman22 0
Pow! Right in the kisses! Pow! Right in the kisser!