Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML
Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
Today, I had a gym date with a girl from Tinder. As soon as I saw her loading up the 45s, I knew I was in trouble. She could squat and leg-press over 100 lbs more than me on both. Somehow she let me come over that night anyway. I challenged her to a wrestling match to try and gain back my pride, then she made me tap out. FML
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
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Top comments
newbiehere99 6
So I guess that's the only baby you'll be expecting?
ThatGenericGuy 6
What if they're twins?
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Comments (221)
EvilDave 13
I hope you had him arrested and called off the wedding.
EvilDave 13
No, you are the idiot. There are plenty of ex-marines and most of the marines I met were only worth their nickname: bullet sponge. Oh, and it is "They're", "yeah", and "you're".
CzechIsBack 15
And then he goes to jail for assault - happy family #5
coolbrony12 3
Um that's illegal. Unless the marine was a girl.
InfiniteSunshine 32
Um no, it's still illegal if the person/marine was a woman. The laws on assault don't change because of gender. If a girl hits someone, be it another girl or a guy, she should be charged.
melodywarner17 0
And he is going to be your father in law/grandfather of your child... Good luck, OP.
ZeroSoldier 6
I'm sorry you were on the wrong end of a Marine's rage there op, but your an idiot for getting his daughter pregnant before you were married to her. Count your blessings that he wasn't a southerner too, or he would have pulled a shotgun on you. But I'm sure once you do marry her everything will heal up between the two of you. P.S.- Semper Fi
mattorama 15
Uhh, it's 2012, not 1912. They're freaking engaged, it's not like she got knocked up by some stranger.
MDTeddy 13
Tell your fiancee that you don't like her dad and need to stay away because he is freaken crazy.
Larawk 8
You should have started to shake uncontrollably and pretended to be having a seizure. Then, when he lets up, turns away, sucker punch him! Works every time.
grannygruber 6
Maybe you should have watched your wording. "Hey dude guess what! I've been pounding the living **** out of your baby girl and now she's knocked up with my evil spawn!" NOT GOOD!
thewife5 19
I'm thinking you may have not engaged yet. And if you did... You will be walking on egg shells forever