Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was meeting my daughter's boyfriend and I joked I’d have to show him who was boss around here (my wife, without a doubt) but as a 5”8 man I have no idea how to intimidate a 6”11, 20 year-old who looks like he was born in a gym. My wife won’t stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
Wow so many lessons here! (1) Think very carefully before threatening anyone - What comes next? (2) People are not always what they look like. (3) Let your daughter work through her own relationships before you get involved.
TeachAllTheMath 19
What hurts more? Your body or your ego?
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Comments (27)
Chazzster 32
Wow so many lessons here! (1) Think very carefully before threatening anyone - What comes next? (2) People are not always what they look like. (3) Let your daughter work through her own relationships before you get involved.
Jeremy Strang 7
With all those witnesses, he should probably have you charged with assault. You stupid ass.
apossessedbagel 14
Putting the "ass" in "assault."
Mynxie 26
How stupid are you? Threatening a teen. He could have called the police and pressed charges.
Friesian 7
As some one that dated an abusive asshole in the past, i learned it takes a lot more than simply calling them and telling them someone threatened to beat you within an inch of your life.
Mynxie 26
I dated an emotionally abusive prick. I know the struggles but having people supporting you and not threatening your abuser is the best option.
PennyLane27 32
What were you trying to accomplish? Forcing him to stay in a relationship he didn't want to be in, by intimidating him? Your daughter being in a relationship with someone who didn't want in it, and was only with her because her dad threatened him? So many things wrong with this. I hope this has taught you to stay out of her business. She needs to learn to get her heart broken, deal with it, and rebound from it. Be there for her when that happens. That will help her out a lot more in life than "protecting" her from being hurt.
TeachAllTheMath 19
What hurts more? Your body or your ego?
PancakesMcGee 7
Ego by a large margin I am sure.
draghkar 18
You do know that a “black belt” basically means beginner (that he’s demonstrated he knows all the basic forms).
PhantomCrevan 8
It doesn't just mean they "know" the forms, it means that can use them fluidly and without thinking, and have spent at least two years with lessons multiple times a week with it being far more common for someone who attends the class twice a week to take five years to reach first dan. It takes around twenty years to reach fifth dan, which is the lowest level that means the practitioner is considered a master. Meaning that someone who started lessons when they were a child (and some sense I will allow children as young as age four to study at their dojo) could very easily be a master in the style they learned in their early 20's. However, the ranks go all the way up to tenth dan-or what is called a tenth degree black belt in western countries- which is someone who has created and largely perfected a new and unique martial arts style. So yeah, the kid could in fact be a master, and OP just didn't know what dan he was ranked at.
manb91uk 22
Idiot
DanielleinDC 34
Your daughter is going to get her heart broken; it happens. She will live. Unless she is being physically harmed or her safety is threatened, maybe you should stay out of her relationship issues. Total YDI
sadjaysfan 5
Even though he is a black belt, that is really sad. A 110 pound difference in a small space should of easily been enough. YDI, not only for being an idiot, but for also putting up a fight that only your mother can be proud of.
Mungolikecandy 19
Threatening violence is a stupid thing. Anyway, is that 230 fat, as karate is fine but not necessarily good in a street fight and I would think someone combat trained would be able to defend themselves?