Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML
Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
Today, I had a gym date with a girl from Tinder. As soon as I saw her loading up the 45s, I knew I was in trouble. She could squat and leg-press over 100 lbs more than me on both. Somehow she let me come over that night anyway. I challenged her to a wrestling match to try and gain back my pride, then she made me tap out. FML
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
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Top comments
newbiehere99 6
So I guess that's the only baby you'll be expecting?
ThatGenericGuy 6
What if they're twins?
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Comments (221)
greeneye_fml 12
Did he go on to Falcon Punch your fiance in the abdomen?
Stonergurl 4
Why, '**** juggalos?'
auddylynne 0
Haha that seriously sucks!
wickedwyatt234 3
No such thing as a former marine, once a marine always a marine
I_Am_Hated 2
Whahahah maybe you should have asked for permission first.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Things that shouldn't go together: Marine, body builder, and fooling around with daughter.
Iniezian 18
That's assault. You both are consenting adults and obviously support yourselves. This guy sounds like a controlling obsessive psycho. Maybe if he spends a couple months in jail, it'll teach him a little lesson. Tell the cops, OP!
sulitak 27
yeah, punching someone won't get you months in jail.
InfiniteSunshine 32
Yes it absolutely will, punching someone is assault, which will get you a jail sentence, sometimes quite a hefty one. What the father did was aggravated assault. This can carry a jail sentence of anywhere from 4 months to 20yrs, along with a $200 to$10,000 dollar fine. Check your facts before spreading false information.
Uniqueview 2
Only thing worse than in-laws - in-laws from the military.
ByeTech 10
That guy is crazy. He has not right what comes in and out of his daughter's ******. It might be awkward, but you should sue him for assault. He sounds unstable.
gtacodhalolad 4
When he let go kick his nuts into his throat