Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, in the changing room at my gym, you'd never see my D. I'm very strategic and my towel or shirt will always block it. Today there was a dad-bod walking nude to the mirror without a towel. I saw his. There was bush of hair surrounding a pale pink little acorn. How does he have the confidence? How is he not shy? FML
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
smokergirl420 0
there's something wrong with that boy >.>
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (215)
Claybomb94 0
I know right? lawlz :D
sizel1 0
wow soooooo gay oh look my dick is small so I'll think about sexy stuff to make it look bigger in front of other GUYS but I won't have sex with my girlfriend I only have her so people won't know I'm gay but I don't think it's working lol I'm joking. ( no I'm not your boyfriends gay get over it )
JustReina 0
he sounds gay, or maybe he's a jonas brother?!
dudeitsdanny 10
He can't get a semi without a penis =) No Jonas.
Claybomb94 0
oh you have no idea! I've wanted to go to England forever haha my grandparents are from there. (my other grandparents are scots!) :D
Claybomb94 0
He is probably just self concious about his tiny wang. lol 12- your pic made me lol
tiffyxmac 0
very weird. I'd be concerned. But umm, yeah, gud luck w. dat
fwongraven 10
Why is that weird? :-S I was under the impression that a lot of guys 'perk it up' like that. I have no idea what that has to do with someone wanting to wait to have sex.
Claybomb94 0
65- no guy "perks it up" in front of other guys unless he is a complete and utter ****. lol
CallMeHush 1
I guess you already know the answer.
perdix 31
He tells you he makes it a semi so he won't be limp in the shower. What he really means is that he goes with the semi to prevent the guys from seeing his raging, full hard-on while he showers with them. You are dating a closeted homosexual and are part of his facade. Out him and get out, or remain a "fag hag."
RedPillSucks 33
hmmm.... A semi-sexual? That should be the new term replacing metro-sexual.
perdix 31
Here in Houston, our bus system is called METRO, so the term "METROsexual" is the poor man's version of the "Mile High Club," which, in turn, could mean having sex on a plane, or on a bus in Denver.