Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML
Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML
Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She'd said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said, "Nah, it's just a generic face." FML
Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and say,s "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I tried to secretly take a photo of a cute guy on the train. I forgot my flash was on. He looked straight at me, smirked, and said, “If you wanted my picture, you could’ve just asked.” I got off three stops early. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the train after a long day. I woke up to find that I’d been drooling onto the shoulder of the stranger next to me for at least three stops. He said nothing, but when I stood up, there was a wet patch shaped like my face on his sleeve. FML
Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML
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Top comments
aKa_Bub0nic 0
Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.
Kirashai 9
...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.
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Comments (235)
beachgirl332 0
wow who does that anymore??
gabbster95 0
what lick their lips?
beachgirl332 0
yes lick their lips. it seems creepy to me...
gabbster95 0
well I mean it depends who's doing it and for what reason.....
heyitsbrittany 0
FYL. but oh so sorry
ronnyBrets 0
SPAIN!!! **** yeahhhh
gabbster95 0
España !!!!!!!!!
aKa_Bub0nic 0
Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.
UsualSuspect_fml 0
I see what you did there. although it was pretty obvious.
GregDaBossMaster 0
haha xD nice play on words
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I wouldn't call it affection, but a guy did that to me once in a very obviously sexual way. Just sayin'.
SkidBarbeque 0
someone did that to you?!? .... gross
aardvarkish 17
68, do tell!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
123: I was too disturbed to react, but I certainly could have "owned him," as you said below. While I'm not up to aardvark status, let's just say I don't necessarily need napkins to remove the occasional stray bit of mustard. ;)
v_garcia3 0
3: nice pun!!! haha
G00N3R 19
Punny
Kirashai 9
...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.
SarahBearXoX 0
he was probably doing it as a joke, or hinting it so he wouldn't embarass her...but he seemed to anyway :/
howareyoulard 0
haha, that's pretty funny
msyelowbubblegum 0
ew glee...
sexy_babe_123 0
I luv glee so shut up
BeeHappy_fml 0
glee is the most retarded show on this planet.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#258 Naw, I'm pretty sure there are far worse shows out there!
underpaid011 0
dude is probably a fag anyway. don't let one douche bag get you down!
XoXoSLY 0
Lol embaressing!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
*quack*
TaylorTotsYumm 10
^lqtm
itchyballs 0
thats what ypu get for being an ugly sob
devilyy 2
Good! Now you made me hungry! >:P
the_flirtt 0
I hate mustard !!
the_flirtt 0
ketchup is better
the_flirtt 0
hah everybody has thier own personal preference
illmatic2 16
Honey mustard beats everything.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Honey mustard is disgusting. :D
FFML_314 12
Yeah Zach, that is if you love the taste of your own vomit.
FFML_314 12
Flirt that backpack is not a good idea when you're shirtless.
illmatic2 16
You two are crazy. Honey mustard on sandwhiches and fries is Amazing. Can't be beat.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Pepper = best condiment. :]
FFML_314 12
No. Honey mustard is good for one thing and one thing only..
illmatic2 16
And what is that Anna?
FFML_314 12
Oh, I can't tell you that.
illmatic2 16
:o Why not?
rainbowhobos 4
Agree with #102. BBQ just pwns. Nuff said.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Oh damn, I did tell you that huh Bianca? :/ Weeeeell, I can still have an opinion about it; and I think it's disgusting. :]
FFML_314 12
Ranch. That is all.
rainbowhobos 4
#117, whoo! :D
Raleigh_bruh 7
I wish Bianca would even attempt to cut me.. She knows what will happen if she tries. :]
Raleigh_bruh 7
Thank you, Captain. :] Bianca, I'm well aware you're not scared of me; and in all honesty I don't want you to be. I just want you to be aware that attempting to hurt me might get you beat up by some very high up people. :)
Raleigh_bruh 7
Weeell #144 I don't hit females, but I assume by your retort to my post that you do? Niiiice. :P Bianca, get in my square. :] Lol, I've always wanted to say that to someone..
Raleigh_bruh 7
Nope, get in my square translates to the exact opposite actually. :] You would do Chris Brown as in sleep with him? Wow.. Why is everything you type not coming out right lately? :| Also, I know you don't hate me because you've told me otherwise. :)
Raleigh_bruh 7
Just because I don't want to share them with YOU makes me greedy..? Ooookay then. :P And you started it...
Raleigh_bruh 7
You really should think about agreeing with me more often. You might like it, who knows. :P
Raleigh_bruh 7
I beg to differ. :]
CrazyCatCookin 0
Mustard on a sammie, ketchup on everything else.
FMGrammar 0
175-Ty for the break in comment flirt :)
Raleigh_bruh 7
Pepper is a condiment and a spice. :]
maddieclaire 0
agreed.
FFML_314 12
Why do you assume he puts salt on his hotdog? I didn't know you only used condiments on hot dogs?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Bianca, I'd put pepper on a hotdog in a heartbeat. :]
Chrisskiies 0
Everybody, plain is best. Not really, lol my ps3 is dead D: not really but i can't see anything when its turned on. :(
chimpsndip 0
pfft. black people arguments
staticmoonmanX 0
burrrrrn hehehe
Raleigh_bruh 7
You just automatically give guys your number that lick their lips at you? Lol, FYL.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Lol, have you?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Don't lie to me. :o