Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, in the changing room at my gym, you'd never see my D. I'm very strategic and my towel or shirt will always block it. Today there was a dad-bod walking nude to the mirror without a towel. I saw his. There was bush of hair surrounding a pale pink little acorn. How does he have the confidence? How is he not shy? FML
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
smokergirl420 0
there's something wrong with that boy >.>
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Comments (215)
metalr82 0
wow your bf has to be gay
benrlc 0
He's a ****
imhowie 2
That is a completely different situation. He probably doesn't believe in premarital sex and just doesn't want to seem small in front of the other guys. it's not like he's doing it because he wants one of them to have sex with him.
RedPillSucks 33
hmmmmm... He doesn't believe in premarital sex, but thinks its OK to ********** himself to semi-erectness? seems a bit odd to me...
terranada 3
I wanna take you to a GAY BAR!! GAY BAR! GAY BAR!!!
Quest_ 13
I got something to put in you! I got something to put in you! I got SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOU At the gay bar, GAY BAR, GAY BAR
abstar 0
thank goodness I was not the only one singing this song as I read this. ;)
madgirl102492 0
You should go to a bar find a straight man,and send your current to a gay bar
quelsauvage 12
your man is gay.
staynplay 0
why does 'organizedchaos' ruin every fml post by being leaving smartass know it all comments giving a explanation for everything. takes the fun out of it.
bulldog678 0
lol
RedPillSucks 33
I'd like to point out that it's physiologically impossible for someone to "**** themselves". I don't consider the assistance of auto-erotic devices (like cars, ******, etc) to be self-*******. I've tried it, and I don't feel like I'm ******* myself at all.
shepaintsmusic 6
is he in the navy? xD
izbjannah 0
haha I moderated this, and they changed hard to semi
BadKitty13 28
He's Gay ..... Dump his ass quick !