Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, in the changing room at my gym, you'd never see my D. I'm very strategic and my towel or shirt will always block it. Today there was a dad-bod walking nude to the mirror without a towel. I saw his. There was bush of hair surrounding a pale pink little acorn. How does he have the confidence? How is he not shy? FML
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
smokergirl420 0
there's something wrong with that boy >.>
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (215)
schwancy 2
Don't be so quick to judge op. You don't know what it's like to have a penis.
ohthebloodygore 16
ahaha some girls do know how it feels, especially if they're with guys 24-7
karmaSUCKS321453 0
umm.. no, I'm afraid girls really don't know what's it's like unless they grow a penis. wtf. are you retarded?
ohthebloodygore 16
Are you? I was referring to trannies. I do know some trannies who used to be girls and now have penis'
karmaSUCKS321453 0
so we will consider that "growing a penis".. Do you think the OP is a tranny? You fail.
ohthebloodygore 16
That comment actually had nothing to do with the FML that's pretty obvious. I never said the op was a trannie nor did I imply it. It was a sidenote a joke, sheesh.
karmaSUCKS321453 0
your terrible at telling jokes then.
ohthebloodygore 16
I always have been
Lozza111 0
well, it could be the same thing as stuff like boob size for girls?
karmaSUCKS321453 0
maybe, except for a girl with no boobs in not going to be able to hide the face that she has no boobs - stuffing the bra still doesn't give her all that much...
nerdsgetmehot 23
#151 Agreed. It's so pointless when girls stuff their bras or wear really padded bras that magically make them 2 cup sizes bigger. Once the bra comes off, some fella is going to be mighty disappointed...May as well just be honest about 'em rather than advertise them falsely.
Youwantwhatnow 0
^ this. A hand full is all you need ladies.
FFML_314 12
Lol, this is pretty damn funny. OP, I can't even say FML, because it sounds entertaining lol.
nismo_r2 5
haaaa
merritalstatus 3
that's when you know you're dating a gay guy
OwNowBrownCow 0
That's gay
rarr 0
..... Maybe reconsiter having a "small" boyfriend.
daiseylulu 0
in pritty sure he's gay
yellowdaisy92 0
hes gay..
Claybomb94 0
You know this is totally off topic, but I haven't heard people call having sex "shagging" in forever! :D lol
Arsonnist 3
Not since Austin Powers for me.
ohthebloodygore 16
aha you need to visit England more then!
RedPillSucks 33
Ah yes. While waiting for a shag, he stepped out for a fag, and found a trollop, who knocked his boots off.
Baybee08 0
He's gay