Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML
Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML
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Top comments
drewTheMan 8
I guess it's pretty clear your dad never studied with anyone
karacakal2 30
That's a whole new level of dad joke
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Comments (127)
curt194 10
Your dad sounds like a dick
itsalanis 25
I knew they had them. But, even though I could have many guesses, I wouldn't know what one would sound like. c:
abbyyyyy 15
Gay radars don't lie
nothing92x 13
Could it be possible your dad says this from experience? I mean hey maybe he's used that excuse back in his younger years....just a thought.
baka4815 21
That's what I said about my best friend in the 8th grade. Now, in college, im about to ask her out.
LindseyTheMoose 24
Good luck!
baka4815 21
Thanks!
LiztheKillah 7
I thought only gay people had the gaydar. Maybe dad is trying to come out?
ItsDutch 16
Anyone can have one, in fact they're pretty cheap on eBay.
glabberfasted 16
I think you can buy them at Pier One ;)
horneyhic 15
Those ones are easily jammed by the metrosexual and the tomboy
MeMyselfAndSatan 10
That's a dick move. Ha, get it? Dick move? Dick? No? Penis.
ItsDutch 16
But the clown has no penis
glabberfasted 16
50 - I was gonna finish that quote, but... Leonard Nimoy... :(
plaukje 6
haha well luckily I am
Thoricsteam20 24
Your dad sounds awesome.
macen 10
uh huh. I've read this fan fic.
Thoricsteam20 24
Welcome to fml newcomer this is just the beginning.
Tournesol143 28
Not that there's anything what with that.
RockstarJAy 16
A fan of Seinfeld, I see.