Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML
Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML
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Top comments
drewTheMan 8
I guess it's pretty clear your dad never studied with anyone
karacakal2 30
That's a whole new level of dad joke
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Comments (127)
i_lik_tomaters 21
Wow
drewTheMan 8
I guess it's pretty clear your dad never studied with anyone
daddysgirl243 21
correction: never studied with another guy
octinate 17
Maybe your dad thought you said you were 'going steady' not 'going to study' lol
MrConcise 35
In fairness, who outside of Med or Law programs studies?
wchil 14
everyone in college....and most of.high school
MrConcise 35
Seriously? People don't remember things the first time they hear them?
HighasaCloud 46
#51 - Ever hear of engineers?
keirookami 11
Or his 'study' groups went all night
FusionPlacebo 26
How can you remember everything without taking notes and looking them over? Obviously you must be some genius because I can't remember that easily and have difficulties hearing and have a better time with visuals.
MrConcise 35
Well, I don't like to brag. (Wait, yes I do.) On a serious note, if you're having trouble remembering things, take a look around the room while you listen to people talk. You can create stronger memories by giving yourself a visual to associate with the words being spoken, even if it's completely unrelated to what you're trying to remember.
snipesrock 9
#87 you are correct,I never studied and used photographic memory to remember things.
MrConcise 35
Don't worry, I realize not everybody can be as gifted as us.
FusionPlacebo 26
Maybe you should just stop being full of yourself and realize that not everyone is as "good"- oh ****. Why am I even trying to doll this up for you? Stop being a narcissistic asshole and get over yourself. Everyone's different.
MrConcise 35
Jealousy is a dish best served cold. Hell, I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. All I know is I'm great and you're telling me to not observe it.
be82tw 17
@119, didn't anyone ever tell you not to feed the trolls?
QueenOfSuppness 25
He's not being a troll, he's being an ass
ModernaParker 5
duuuude. my dad used to do stuff like that to me and my friend Alli. hahaha.
Mauskau 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Because knowing your friend's name helped us a lot with this story.
logicnazi 18
#33, because your comment helped us thumb her story down any better
annarcheer 19
#33 Has some issues.
pwnman 33
33, that's the whole purpose of commenting. Commenting refers to sharing stores, providing opinions, etc.
bethrh 49
That must have been a pain in the ass.
allforfun 23
I lol'd
wakemeupplease 21
Dads they always fail at being funny lol
whitnayfortooh 29
same:/
One_Way 43
Speak for yourself. My dad is hilarious.
Rinat_fml 26
You and your daddy should sit down and have a talk. Tell him in all seriousness that you like girls. If he still doesn't believe you, that's his problem.
danielhartlesss 13
If the dad still doesn't believe him after their chat, he should bring a female friend over to study and see how the father responds
colvindj 22
I think you're completely over thinking this one. The dad is just being an asshole.
milehigh52 22
#16 I thought I was the only one who understood that his dad is just trying to embarrass him.
Markovski 18
Although #7 has a valid point, it's just the dad being dumb.
CommentKing207 23
People say the loveliest of things when they are drunk.
CommentKing207 23
Oh shoot I thought it said he WAS drunk, not acting like it. If he wasn't, explain it to him. If he was, ignore him. People say and do things from the norm when they have too much alcohol.
Thoricsteam20 24
Your profile picture scares me.
CommentKing207 23
Thanks! Constructive criticism is always a plus ;)
cksmith51 14
Happy Father's Day?
clickme 17
Those silly, crazy moments are the ones you'll look back on and laugh at later in life!! Cherish them
karacakal2 30
That's a whole new level of dad joke
logicnazi 18
The style of this FML sounds like a joke right from South Park and OP's dad's name is Randy and his friends name is Kyle.