Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML
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Top comments
CallMeWindSock 24
Well, you know you do.
fml1365 30
He must be nuts!
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Comments (132)
venom2421 10
That is the cruelest thing I can imagine. Your dad is hilarious OP, but FYL definitely.
EvilLittleMan 23
It appears Dear ol Dad has a soft spot for nuts, maybe his chin?
KingreX32 21
you're. dad's a dick.
skyeyez9 25
Your dad is a Dick! Unless he went into anaphylactic shock, he has no idea how horrifying it can be.
simsgirlgem 25
your dad is a dick
underthesea12 24
Your dad is a hoot!
TheDoctor10 28
Just keep eating it and your dad has to pay for any hospital visits.
ClaytorNator 12
Your dad is evil.. EEEEVIL!
150493x 29
Your dad is both an ass and a legend. That must suck though, OP.
LithFlavored 10
Wish all dads had a sense of humor