Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML
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Top comments
CallMeWindSock 24
Well, you know you do.
fml1365 30
He must be nuts!
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Comments (132)
abbruzzi67 15
When I read this I sing it in robin thicke's voice
Enslaved 38
I just watched the an unrated version of the "blurred lines" video yesterday. (I didn't know there was another) Boobies!
r_bruce69 19
Blurred lines is a terrible and despicably sexist song. Even as a guy this is obvious to me. I'm no feminist, and they usually get it wrong, but it scared me how few people realise there's something wrong with the song
SolarFlare 20
give him a punch, in his.... nuts.
perdix 31
You ought to kick him in the nuts! Make sure you take precautions to prevent actual contact -- steel-toed boots ought to keep you safe.
HeartOfLead 24
The Most Deadliest... scavenger hunt?
singer0421 32
You should open his shower head and stick some Nutella in there. It'll be sweet, sticky revenge.
AnOriginalName 19
A Nutella shower? Doesn't seem like a bad thing, if you're implying that it is.
pikachulove14 14
He's got a nutty sense of humor.
perdix 31
You should mix some of your shit into the Nutella jars. That way, you won't be tempted to eat any and you know your dad is probably going to sneak a little. One shitty trick deserves another ;)
JasonUMN 15
Tell your dad he can suck on your nuts.
abbyycarper 13
Aww that's just cruel
Rexington27 7
This must make you nutty.