Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
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Top comments
Beakner4564 2
That just made my day
jkmartinjk 16
Earplugs? Also, noseplug.
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Comments (90)
mmaflake 19
My hero
etchsanity1 11
Sounds like sleep apnea have him ask the doctor about soft palette surgery or a CPAP breathing machine
poccocurantes 7
Lose weight and quit smoking if he is a smoker. Had it myself. Got back in shape and it went away.
etchsanity1 11
Yea those are good treatments if he has a weight or smoking issue ... It can also be a physiological issue that is unrelated to weight or lifestyle.
tjanus 2
He may have sleep apnea and needs a sleep evaluation. If he does he is at risk of stroke and heart attack .
poccocurantes 7
Nothin says lovin, like a good Dutch oven.
Spectre529 12
Not sure if your BF be trolling, or purposely griefing you and the neighbors...
chronosphere 18
still better than him farting in your face with your mouth oppen
simoncat 11
Gross. You certain he is of age? He's not just a really tall 11 year old, is he?
simoncat 11
What? The ol' "smothering with a pillow over his face" cure isn't good enough to try? I beg to differ...
MyS3lf 24
That's not so bad. My ex had a similar snoring issue, he also outweighed me by 105lbs. One night about 3:30am or so, he was snoring as usual, and wouldn't wake up or roll over. I tried to roll him over myself, and just as I'd almost gotten him rolled over he all of a sudden threw all of his weight back at me in his sleep. This resulted in me tearing a muscle in my lower back which, 7 years later, still gives me trouble. Feel better?
Jacquelinia 6
this is probably the funniest thing I've read in a while