Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
devendra_fml 0
that's a drag!
pleasenopuffin 0
shit happens, man. doesn't mean you failed, just start day one again and hopefully it doesn't happen again.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
Pearljammer001 0
quiting is such a bitch when your a sleep smoker, the only thing that worked for my sleep smoking habit was to sleep barf on nurses.
PurpleSquirrel 0
nice
pleasenopuffin 0
shit happens, man. doesn't mean you failed, just start day one again and hopefully it doesn't happen again.
icy716 0
OP your a dumbshit for ever smoking stick a cigarettte where the sun dont shine
ravensunnyd 0
smokig is stupid what is the point and most of my friends do it but it's stupid it causes cancer it should be out lawed so you kinda diserve it for have even started smoking
hummingbug 2
I'll agree smoking is stupid, but do you honestly think ANYONE deserves that kind of frustration and pain? You need a reality check. It's called addictive for a reason. Most people can't just stop, it takes time and many failures for most people. Try being empathetic for once.
GoDrCoW 0
More than half the stuff people are smoking isn't legal to smoke. Even if it were to be outlawed, how do you think the general smoking populace would react to, "Smoking's illegal. If we find you, citizens that happen to be addicted to smoking, smoking, we will prosecute you?"
TheBritishOne 0
No government is stupid enough to make smoking illegal. Here in Britain cigs cost about £6 that's around $12. and we're not bloody allowed to smoke anywhere!
yourlifesfucked 0
cow where the **** do u get that statistic, more than half of what people smoke is illegal? by that reasoning there are more people who smoke weed crack whatever than who just smoke cigs. pretty sure u just pulled that out ur ass. dumb ****.
cowgod 0
I agree with you that smoking cigarettes are bad, but smoking marijuana should be encouraged!
toadb94 0
y should I be encouraged?
wienerwagon 0
Cowgod is one of those high school kids who just discovered weed.
WhatDidYouSay0 0
how do you mot notice rolling a ciggerette and then smoking it?!
lilmac61894 2
uhmm if u rolled it urself.. its not considered a ciggarette its something else aha
DerangedFox 0
uhmm.. Many people roll their own cigarettes. With tobacco. It saves mad money. Just because you're a pothead doesn't mean everything hand rolled is a joint.
boomachicaboom 1
Hey, hey guys. People pick up addictions for various personal reasons and they are difficult to stop. He did something out of habit without realizing it... jack asses. Don't sweat it, OP. You were only three (I'm sure difficult) days in. Start over. Oh and throw your damn papers and tobacco away. I almost said YDI because you hadn't thrown your stuff away.
shaddix 0
when i quit smoking, i gave away my last pack of cigarettes. it kept me from smoking the rest of them. i know habits are hard to quit but he conciou consciously sly had to sit there and think about rolling the cigarette he planned on smoking, he could also consciously choose to stop. not to mention it isnt really that hard to get rid of the stuff, tons of people smoke and throwing it away is always an option.
boatkicker 5
If OP isn't the only smoker in the house, it's stupid to throw the stuff away. However, if that's the case, ask them to keep it somewhere out of sight. The phrase "out of sight, out of mind" is actually quite useful for stuff like this. At least, if you can't see it, you can't start one without realizing it again, because it would take you a while to look.
dontpanic_fml 32
No he didn't consciously sit there and think about smoking, so no he couldn't consciously stop, most likely. I think that's the whole point of the FML. Yeah, you might think this post seems impossible, but that probably means you haven't been addicted to anything.
txgirl09 5
Force of habit sucks.
heyyouwiththefac_fml 3
I agree with this post. it's is difficult to quit. the first couple days are the most diffcult. I started smoking at 16. I quit 2 years and it was the most difficult thing to do. I give you kudos for trying! hang in there you can do it. ONE DAY AT A TIME.
SeeBrendenBurn 0
Why would you try to quit smoking? It's the only way to be truly excepted in highschool, and a prerequisite for any future girlfriends. FYL for not realizing this obvious fact.
Burgessnk 0
That's rubbish. You can be your own person without needing to cling to a filthy habit. If a guy asks me out, the first thing i do is ask if he has a cigarette. If he does, I tell him I don't date smokers. Period. The only absolute criteria I have for a man is that he does not smoke.
SeeBrendenBurn 0
You, woman, have forgotten your place in society: the kitchen. Also, who wants to be their own person? Being unique and independent just gets you beat-up and hated by the majority of the population... And do you really not date people that smoke? That's quite shallow. I thought women were into raspy voices, cancer, and rotting teeth...
hunternicko 0
I'm sorry....wait no I'm not, but that was the most SEXIST thing I've read in a while 'your place us in the kitchen' people like you deserve everything karma will throw at you.
ipwnallmen 10
@ 68. poor little man someones mom obviously didnt love him enough or maybe too much....
SeeBrendenBurn 0
@71:I hope you are not a woman, because you proved my point: You couldn't even quote me correctly, and you can't identify sarcasm. @72: Poor little band geek hasn't been told that he's not funny.
cowgod 0
band is awesome! you probably were a violin fag that now hates band because a flutist stole your boyfriend
Rhien 0
Can anyone in the world pick up sarcasm anymore?
twitlight 0
@78: Do you think that your argument is even valid? Well ****, no woman deserves to spend her life in the ******* kitchen as you so 'eloquently' argue. If this entire argument was made for pure entertainment purposes, then sorry, but if you seriously meant all that bullshit, then get a life, douche.
Intellectualist 0
#68, can we get married? I think I love you.
ipwnallmen 10
lmao! 78 really is a big clod aint he!
Intellectualist 0
Not really #138, he's quite brilliant. Just because you have an inability to contemplate the complexities of sarcasm, doesn't mean that #78 is a clod, it means that youre a moron.