Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
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Top comments
Monii_Harlz 11
AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually
dudeitsdanny 10
My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.
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Comments (149)
Darcon 8
eww
Darcon 8
i am sure someone is gna use the 'shitty situation' joke
dudeitsdanny 10
InB4 Shitty Jokes?
ColdplaySucks 18
You can say you're gonna quit but actually doing so isn't that easy. GL op.
gunmania0 12
Now that's what I call a shitty situation! Disclaimer: This comment is for the benefit of others, not a serious comment.
lmBrown 0
that's why weeeed is muchhh better ;)
Kawboy 1
I've coughed alot in my day and not from smoking, and never came close to ******** myself! Sounds like you could use some patches or something op. GL on quiting
jacobs_double 0
actually weed can be just as bad. one time after dinner, I coughed so much I threw up :/
ATLBOI770 0
weed is not bad itz good for u
1215116a 14
53, in what way? You're shortening your life span -.-
laurenv20 4
well that's what you get for smoking..... I know lots of people do it but it's just nasty.
Hidan_fml 0
56, how are you shortening your lifespan?
blanquito 1
cover your mouth.... or....
whiterabbit420 4
sorry to be off topic but your tattoo looks super fake. like it was done in marker or something.
TheDrifter 24
71, it doesn't matter if it's tobacco or marijuana, the smoke from either causes cancer. Or in the case of the above poster who smokes till he pukes, getting stoned can lead to a stupidity induced early ending.
bitchslapped22 14
Anyone who says weed is good for you is a ******* idiot, simple as that.
luis420 0
I wish quiting was easy :/
adrianblackett 0
smoking kill slowly... but who's in a rush to die???!?!!!!!
extrovertical 0
you honestly can't play soccer and be a smoker. :/
mygreenhoodie 0
that's a hell of a side effect, girls don't poop
ohlookitstiara 0
Pro tip: clench next time.
smoke2weeds 0
what kind of ciggs are u smokin op!!!??
Jimmyd0t 0
shitty ones
whittikers 0
that's funny because his name is weed XD
hellogoodbye1996 6
how is that funny?
angelpies 0
because 58 is a premature teen.
hellogoodbye1996 6
premature? I think she's immature..
XXizzlerXX 0
72 maybe u just didn't get the joke?
hellogoodbye1996 6
there's a joke? I thought cigarettes were nicotine not cannabis?
SteveMagnifico 6
lol I wouldnt blame cigarettes for your bowel movements
fredylove_fml 0
actually, losing control of your bowel movements is in fact an effect of smoking too many cigarettes
imnotcraZ 0
yeah, not the bowel movements. but you can blame: emphazima breathing problems, tar in your lungs. bone throat, lung, pancreatic, skin, etc- cancer on it. your Child's birth deficiencies and their mental and breathing problems. weak immune system...I can go on for a few pages. bowel movements is something I didn't hear about so idk. but everything else(even misspelled) you can blame on cigarettes... oh and I guess a temporary good feeling (idk why it's so addictive)
steveakafranxy 7
#97 why do you make it sound so easy to quir
jamescrazy96 17
My mother smokes when I was in her womb, and I am perfectly fine. Her friend smoked with her son in her womb and his sister and they are both perfectly fine. I could keep on going.. I don't believe it can affect a baby inside of a womb!!
Monii_Harlz 11
AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually
hollysterT 0
LOL
1215116a 14
Smoking only brings shit in your life.
Softballgirl347 0
and kids remember crack kills too :) lol
MXXD17 0
Nice.
ipwnlosers 4
Bad.
dudeitsdanny 10
My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.
adro92 0
sorry to hear :(
dudeitsdanny 10
I hardly knew her, and it was three months ago, but thank you. I just think it's a good example of how bad a cigarette addiction can be: To the point you ignore the symptoms of something bad going on.
hollysterT 0
your 'dorableeee! ^^ just saying
dudeitsdanny 10
Me? Thank you? Lol
hollysterT 0
haha yes youuuuu. sorry I was just reading all these comments. and I was like. oh hey. he is cuute
Jimmyd0t 0
yeah I think you're hot too but sorry to hear about your aunt bro, may she rest in peace
atitud3 12
you post comments on every fml dude. And its not short comments :s
Hopsin_fml 0
Wierd how people like your comment saying your grandmother die. Thumbs down is the way to go in this matter, sorry for your loss!
steveakafranxy 7
#104 on FML, thumbs up doesn't mean like, it's more like "way to go man, your comment doesn't make you look like an asshole" or "this actually makes an ounce of sense"
mintcar 10
Ew WTF? You might wanna get that checked out. At least you've decided to quit smoking so good for you.
angiedancesalott 8
and i thought smoking caused lung cancer.. not shit in my pants syndrome.
brbgirl 0
lol. ;)
LolMoqz 10
I like to call that SHIMPS.
angiedancesalott 8
lol(:
kittycatman2 3
Price check on BUTT PLUGS! I repeat, price check on BUTT PLUGS!
onlyjuan100 0
clean up in isle 5
SilentTreatment 7
Chode smoker??...