Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML
Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Tell her your girlfriend must have left them there, she will forget all about the smokes.
tomisbetterthanu 0
YDI for smoking
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Comments (50)
IambecomeRAWR 0
nice hiding place ;)
vtranchitella14 3
what in India or behind the toilet? (read where op's from)
k1w1 0
Oh snap. she's gonna think that she's the motive for quitting now.
PistenDeer 0
Freaking racist.
CallMeHush 1
Tell her your girlfriend must have left them there, she will forget all about the smokes.
TheOtherNewest1 6
+ 1 internets for making me laugh out loud.
evan_789 7
2 internets!!!
Philosophic 0
Only will be convincing if the girlfriend is over 65, otherwise - they remember where their smokes are.
iivann 0
lol tru 3!!
wetofour 7
The wife will forget about the cigarettes not the fake gf..
Trainn 19
Did you not read the FML.
Spac3Ghost 0
Hahahaha I just shit my pants laughing. :D
sootpanda 7
Dude.... chill on the smiley faces, seriously. o_o
Justin23L 2
"Second" would refer to the number 2.
Spac3Ghost 0
ah man... ok fine... third =)
fanceh 10
see, both your comments fail on epic levels, because you called second, when you were third, then called third when the comment was fourth....
Capt_Beerman1942 0
Again with the smiley faces.
og_ipod 0
Ew. ydi. :x
tomisbetterthanu 0
YDI for smoking
No_Heart 0
Thats some fine logic you have there, i would say he deserves it for having a bitchy wife.
a1s 3
Something (experience?) tells me this wasn't the first time you've "decided to quit", so ydi. If it really was all a big misunderstanding (by some coincidence today was the first time you diced that), well now that she can "help" you along, your quitting will be alot more productive!
velvel 7
how's his wife bitchy? he hid a secret from her for over two years. I'd be pretty annoyed at that! YDI for smoking AND hiding things from the one who's supposed to be your 'significant other'.
AmbrosiaFan 19
He HID the secret for two years. She has every right to be "bitchy" and he deserved every bit of grief he gets from her. Though, I'm kinda surprised she couldn't smell it on him, unless he hid it super well. Or its just me having a sensitive nose.
h_a_v_o_cxx 0
nodded it :D lol, the ironing is delicious.
iSnipeFatPeople 18
Hey, whatever you're into.
DangerMike 0
Well, you chose a good time to quit because now you'll have the nagging of your wife to help too.
Ottoman81 0
tell her it was for 'emergencies' when u felt stressed out. once in a blue moon and thats ita no big deal and she can toss them u couldnt care less. then try to really quit and kick tha habit
Boddmon 0
I love how people are always trying to give advice and solutions in response to fmls as if the OP is waiting patiently at their computer saying "ohhh gosh help me fml readers! help me!!"
Jcat_fml 0
HAHAHA best comment ever!
Ms_Popsergeant 0
i secretley smoked for 3 years and quit..its more stressfull to hide the fact that you smoke. quiiting will be liberating
myksbrain 0
I also smoked for several years, hiding it from my wife. Helped by a few things: 1. Very little intimacy or sex life. 2. Only smoked while in a moving car with the windows cracked. 3. After smoking, rolled the windows down to air things out. 4. Attended AA meetings (where I never smoked). When she told me she was leaving me for someone else, I fessed up. She got very angry. Bitch.
starberries 0
Why did you hide it? Grow a pair, dude.