Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
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Top comments
devendra_fml 0
that's a drag!
pleasenopuffin 0
shit happens, man. doesn't mean you failed, just start day one again and hopefully it doesn't happen again.
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Comments (93)
gfang123 0
cuuuuuuuuuntedddd
DavidA91 0
shouldn't be such a dumbass
sucks4you09 0
that's y u don't start
Rapture333 0
I'm damn sure he means rolling as the extremely common term for dropping ecstacy or rolling ecstacy, the drug
LeverPuller 5
@ 75: No. He meant he'd put tobacco onto a rolling paper and made himself a cigarette and had already begun smoking it before he realised, "lol oops".
sammichbitch 0
nice
jake_fml 0
99 and 105 I'm relativly sure 75 was joking.....
LeverPuller 5
It's hard to tell anymore. Most people lack common sense these days, so I was throwing it out there. At least I didn't call him a dumbass about it. :/
acai_blueberry 0
should be more empathetic, this has nothing to do with being dumbass. plenty of people start doing things out of habit, even if u only do it for a few hours constantly. and cigarettes are addicting. good luck man, and just try to get rid of the stuff, unless its someone else's and then just keep it away from u
IHateNoobz 0
You look pretty :D
Intellectualist 0
******* jokes. Refreshing.
Monikabug 9
Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious.
hippo23 0
come on keep trying! u can do it. the first three days are the hardest I hear but u can do it!
ReyEr9412 0
Anybody who started smoking ciggs within the last twenty years is, in fact, a dumbass.
kaprookie 3
this is really sad unlucky OP but there is 1 question that I have to ask what were you doing with cigarettes if you were in your third day of being a non smoker?
MissKelly8D 0
couldn't have said it better myself.
devendra_fml 0
that's a drag!
ambrz 0
nice one:)
PrestonDavidPick 0
lol
hiitisbrooke 28
kinda like your mom ....
aardvarkish 17
good call
sa_wild 0
no worries, smoking is where its at all the cool kids are doing it these days haha.
Elizabeth_lyi 0
It don't make u cool to smoke
choosemusic 0
yeah, no, it's not cool at all. in any way.
puentesaurasrex 0
ruins ur lungs and ***** you over in short or long is some way it sucks
jasonsaied 1
jesus u stupid bitches leave this dude alone he was being sarcastic
crailboyne 0
yes. that is why there was a "haha" at the end. why r americans so stupid?
yourlifesfucked 0
america hater fail. just becuz 2 or 3 people who may or may not be americans are dumb that doesnt mean we all are. by that logic, all muslims are violent extremists who blow themselves up for the glory of allah. ******* asshole, DIAF.
cowgod 0
what are you talking about? smoking is deadly. however, weed is a very healthy habit and it will make you super cool
Elizabeth_lyi 0
How bout u shut up?
Rhien 0
Why "r" Americans stupid? Excuse me for being a stupid American, but it really pisses me off when people are to lazy to type an extra two letters.
BugeryBill 0
kent
Monikabug 9
no #5! You're only cool if you pee your pants. :)
dontpanic_fml 32
Yeah...SERIOUSLY...when people are too stupid to recognize obvious sarcasm and actually bury the ******* comment...damn. But **** the person who said Americans are stupid. Really? Get the **** over it
GiddyXD 0
kids dont think its cool anymore. they are getting "smarter"..
meliebel 2
Rhien: That ought to say "too lazy"... not "to lazy." :-)
Freeze_fml 17
Tragic.
gymnast10179 0
rolling like E??
Rapture333 0
yeah that's what I was thinking, advice to quit smoking, rip up the butt of your ciggarette, it makes you not look forward to the next one
lolorly 0
If you roll your own like the OP said, there is no butt :/
cgyguy 0
I call bs... what was the op doing? sleep smoking....
Intellectualist 0
Oh come on, don't be that guy.
oh_dee 0
This makes no sense. How do you not realize you're smoking a cigarette that you rolled all by yourself? Can't you SMELL it? YDI all the way.
lolorly 0
Smoking becomes habitual; second nature.
akalisser 0
I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it literally. I think he meant it as in he wanted to stop smoking, but out of habit he rolled and smoked it before he could really put any cognitive thought to it.
oh_dee 0
Makes sense, but I think any person would consider what he was doing even a little bit throughout the time it takes to get out the ingredients and roll the cigarette. Unless he was still half-asleep or something. Even so, he should have thrown those things away or given them to someone else if he planned to quit! Take away the temptation for the first few weeks since it's such a hard habit to break, you know?
DerangedFox 0
oh_dee, is your photo warped? If not, it's probably just the angle but your forhead looks rather big.
bluesclues72 0
if you have been smoking for a long time you get used to it. maybe the OP forgot about quitting. it's a habit. now maybe you could be supportive and a big bitch?
dudeitsdanny 10
Why be supportive? This is FML, not "I-Fell-Off-The-Wagon-Lets-All-Be-Nice-To-Me".com OP deserves it for still having that stuff, knowing he's still a new non-pothead.
dudeitsdanny 10
Meant to say smoker. But if it's pot, thenvibdon't retract it.
flame1819 0
ha, nice dude
onnielief 4
You clearly don't know any die hard addicts. For some smoking comes as habitual as breathing.
Elizabeth_lyi 0
@derangedfox, I was thinkin the same thing... it kinda scared me...
asafetybuzz 0
@39 and 103: do you seriously have nothing better to do than make fun of people on fml? and people who make fun of others for physical attributes are PATHETIC!
hXcsoccerplaya 0
lulz at all the hypocrites who voter ydi. do you know how hard it is to quit an addiction? for all the boys, try to quit jacking off for a week, can you do it? didn't think so. and smoking is worse than that.
Enoch134 0
lol I can't stop playing mind games with my gf soon to be x then I get back with her fml I like the girl
Animalover 0
that's why u nvr start
AdvocataDiaboli 0
Yeah, except he wouldn't have been able to "accidentally" roll a cig if he GOT RID OF EVERYTHING.
sarahmarieee 0
Jacking off is good for you. Therefore you can't compare them.