Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML
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