Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my girlfriend returned from a two day trip. I'd spent the time cleaning the house and working on house projects, so she wouldn't come home and be stressed. She got upset when she got home because the house was clean, and it made her feel inadequate. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML
Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML
Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML
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Top comments
sarcasticlover 30
**** Logic
dweeds508 24
Dump her ass OP
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Comments (94)
Nimor 25
Your girlfriend is an idiot, get rid of her... quik!
Gennocent 17
I feel that it was the priest/reverend/bible study teacher... (I have no idea how this sort of thing works) who gave her the hickeys and convinced her it was ok
coolman298 15
Yes because God just wants you to go around on A MISSION TRIP, cheating on your boyfriend. That's all he ever wanted.
nitrog100 21
I'm 70% sure that OP is a woman.
Avashantu 18
I don't think it works like that..
cfett199 8
It's not breaking up with her because you are just cutting a terrible person out of your life so it cancels out...
zykrithium 22
How stupid does she think you are?
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
mission trip was just a code name for threesome
mattrd_fml 31
wait. what??? LOL
neethukay 12
the hell? Bye Felicia.
ajs1987 15
Here are your instructions: 1) buy condoms 2) hire a hooker, preferably one named Charity 3) find a way for your phone to "accidentally" call your gf while you are ******* the hooker 4) explain to her that you are doing God's work by making a donation to Charity She'll understand once you explain it.
bonermonkey 31
OP is a woman. You have forgotton all of the "find a squirting strap on" stuff. :P