Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML
Hypocrite much?
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML
Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML
TMI
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Top comments
Jeffo193 13
"Thou shalt not have surgical breast implants"
BlackBlazeCobra 16
For her sake I hope it wasn't a cheap surgery. If it was, she'll most likely regret those fake boobs down the line. Although that might be a good thing, as long as she doesn't get sick.
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Comments (147)
BlackBlazeCobra 16
For her sake I hope it wasn't a cheap surgery. If it was, she'll most likely regret those fake boobs down the line. Although that might be a good thing, as long as she doesn't get sick.
Kkkdawg 27
Why would you even try to lie about something like that? Like yeah it's gonna be pretty obvious.
nickob96 25
I agree... and for the people who gave you a thumbs down... Their idiots
Whaaaaaat734 6
80- What about who's idiots??
sens3sfailing 25
the irony on this thread is hilarious.
itsame0987 18
Maybe OP's mom was being sarcastic, or joking with op. Who knows, op could be like Sheldon, and not know when someone is being sarcastic.
ns1985 15
I do think your mom is quite awesome.
freshberries22 17
I think op's mom is quite a liar. Did she honestly think her boobs doubling in size would go unnoticed. Either she got a boob job, put on weight, or she's pregnant. I highly doubt it's the latter.
friedpwnadge 25
It actually says "Do not make any permanent markings or modifications to your body." in rough translation from the original Hebrew.
jmcr 27
But the op's mom isnt hebrew shes an atheist we dont have "rules" against that kind of stuff
sens3sfailing 25
some atheists do have "rules" about that stuff. be it either ones they put on themselves, or (if they are a minor or just still allow their parents to control them) ones the family puts on them. you don't know every atheist, so don't try and generalize.
CheshireHalli 19
But, personal rules are not the same as religious rules, which is what the user was referring to.
Jeffo193 13
"Thou shalt not have surgical breast implants"
coolboy675 16
What if it wasn't surgical?
marxistbkly 3
D is the letter of the breast implant, not B or C, as they at smaller in size, nor E or F as they greater, nor DD or DDD for whilest they use the letter D, they are not the same as D in perfection. And so the word was spoken, and the implants administered and all was good and right with breasts, (left and right).
sens3sfailing 25
so it would be....what? magically?
Edo369 8
Maybe shes just shy to admit to it and give in. Thats all I could think of.
Edo369 8
What the ****? Do people enjoy thumbing down for no apparent reason or something? Please, if you're going to thumb down for something thats said that wasn't even bad, at least leave a comment as to why. -.-
pradip 26
I thumbed you down because I don't like pinkish tie.
ccoverup 5
I agree ... I pressed to see the replies to this comment hoping to find out why it was thumbed down. Also, the pink tie comment was stupid.
Edo369 8
I also thumbed you down in return because I dont like curry... How ******* stupid does that sound?
Quinn32 16
Quit being a little bitch...whining about people thumbing you down just makes people want to thumb you down more.
Edo369 8
Lmao what a bad community. Grow the **** up.
Edo369 8
I bet your ass wont say that shit in real life. Mind your own business you ******* pussy. Suck a fat one.
Edo369 8
Please point out what was so bad about my grammar fuckface. And stop you are scaring me with your nerd ass comment you just made.
GeneralCha 3
You actually care what people on the Internet think of you? That's cute. You're cute.
Edo369 8
Not that I care what people think especially on the internet, but I was just "puzzled" why the hell do people thumb down, not only this comment I made on this FML, but other peoples comments as well. While they aren't bad comments at all. Just kind of bugs me to say the least.
Edo369 8
I bet someone is sitting behind their computer/phone and getting off to pressing the thumb down to my comments :) Probably the only action you get.
Edo369 8
Thats right, harder baby!
kwyk 23
Hahahahahaha the comment about "not saying it in real life" made me laugh. You couldn't intimidate my 7 year old sister with a profile picture like that. Although, I'm not sure you'd intimidate her in real life either...
kwyk 23
"Mummy, a slightly-below-average looking male of questionable intelligence challenged me on the internet. HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT?"
hotPinklipstick 24
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say originally you didn't have that many negative votes, but after you commented again showing your true colors, people started thumbing you down. Then you commented again with cursing, insults and racial slurs that weren't necessary, ensuring your comments being buried.
Edo369 8
Kwyk - find where in all of these comments I said my profile picture is supposed to intimidate anyone...? Go back to sleep.
kwyk 23
"I bet your ass wont say that shit in real life." Asses generally don't talk a lot in real life. Maybe you're thinking of Shrek? You never explicitly did... can YOU find where I claimed you did? All this finding is kinda like eye-spy with words. Maybe I should play it with my dog sometime - he may have a better chance of success than you.
Blackcatluck 19
I think the pink tie is cute :3
kwyk 23
I don't have anything against pink ties, I have a problem with morons in pink ties.
andyyroxx 20
Edo, I hope your asshole grows tastebuds. You don't have to rub off your rough night on other people. We would otherwise much rather have had your father clot you in a Kleenex.
DocBastard 40
Edo, I generally don't use the thumbs buttons at all, but you've truly inspired me today. Congratulation. Just some friendly advice - everyone makes a bad comment here and there, even the great and powerful Perdix. When you do, just move on. Bitching and moaning about it makes you look extremely foolish and childish, and no one will take you seriously. Oh, and **** off.
ManInTheMachine 20
This is probably the most pathetic display of bitching over a comment I've ever seen. All you had to do was admit it wasnt that fantastic, and we would've laughed it off and forgiven you. But then you bitched, and bitched, and dear Lord how you kept on BITCHING and moaning! Then you lashed out at people for thumbing you down, people who weren't insulting you, and went on to call them 'fuckface' and such. Then, if all of that wasn't bad enough, you had the audacity to tell them to get over themselves? You're a ******* hypocrite, and obviously can't take the heat. So my suggestion is you get the **** out, and until you can learn to act your sodding age, find somewhere else to have a pissing contest.
Schizomaniac 24
Well damn. I thought MY "my comment got buried" attitude was bad.
Edo369 8
No you idiots I was not bitching or moaning just trying to point out the fact that some people on here like a few of you dumb ***** thumb down for no apparent reason. And doc you can go **** yourself buddy who are you tell me to **** off lmao.
Schizomaniac 24
Shut up. You're an atheist and a liar.
Edo369 8
ManInTheMachine - First of all shut the **** up, Second, shut the **** up and at last, third, shut the **** up. Who the **** do you think you are telling me to get the **** out? Punk ass you better calm yourself down. You're telling me I insulted someone but look here you come and say something to me when you weren't even a part of it. Get lost ******.
Schizomaniac 24
Come on, man. I've made 2 comments and you've just replied to other people. Am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with me? DO I NOT DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION YOU DON'T EVEN TOUCH ME ANYMORE.
Edo369 8
You aren't an asshole like some morons on here. I'll touch you in places I know you like babe.
ManInTheMachine 20
Once again, pathetic. And still a hypocrite. Who the hell are you telling to calm down, when you're obviously 1 comment away from bashing the computer in your mom's basement? This is why I told you to GTFO, because you obviously are too hot-headed to think straight (though I doubt thinking is your strong suit), so you go into a blind cyber-rage and attack anyone that dares disagree with you. Get over yourself, bud. You don't need to defend a stupid comment.
Enslaved 38
Waiting for the MODs to give this guy just enough rope to hang himself. It will all end soon.
ManInTheMachine 20
I hope so, Enslaved. I'm tired of arguing with a brick wall.
ropeandneck 7
sorry guys, would have loved to see this tread earlier, is that moron banned yet ? thank you doc, you couldn't say better, and kwyk @ 63, think about ace ventura too ! now THAT'S an ass who have much to say ! oh, and pink ties ? dafuq ? what has to world come to ?
poccocurantes 7
Am I too late?
ApologyKick 25
Enslaved, however much I too wish for this to be over and we can all move on, I'm also hoping the mods leave this as a precedent for the over reaction to thumbs down.
B0u_fml 18
Well, does it look good? Is she happy with them?
Gaaaahfyl 3
And you're bothered because of? Seriously get over it man. That's what happens when you ask questions about obvious things lol.
Uradoosh 1
Maybe she was down and needed something to lift her spirits
tj5810 21
...or her breasts.
CanyonRose 16
Ba dum tssss
Joe9024 20
I wouldn't worry bout it there her **** after all
turtlegrl66 11
*Pop*