Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
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Comments (83)
Drigr 9
Seriously... So many guys would LOVE to be with a girl who wants to blow him without being asked. What the hell was OP doing turning her down?! She will probably never blow again now.
S182 15
Or maybe he hasn't trimmed his ball-fro in a while, and was embarrassed at how unkempt it was. Another option is he might have been all dirty and wanted to take a shower first... I don't like having a girl go down on me if I feel I am all sweaty an nasty down there. And if he's never had one before he wouldn't know how awesome they are... No idea why she thought you are a jerk though... I feel as though there is more to the story than could fit into one little FML.
ami200485 14
Sounds like he's gay!
sillyyanks 24
If you offered me a ******* I would refuse. Does this mean I'm gay?
AH1Zviper 15
Leave her alone guys. She reads twilight. This makes her comment invalid. Thumbing her down to oblivion should do the trick.
greeneyebeauty9 28
isn't it a good thing you want to give her the pleasure first?
alfred07 18
I don't quite understand this, your gf offers a ******** and you turn it down? You're going to have to explain that one to me again.
pennies_lane 6
I think you pretty much summed it up there yourself
Cowboy1986 4
I couldn't wrap my brain around it either!!! I have never nor will I ever turn down a *******
mosquito19 14
dude, you don't know how to do that anyway
KiddNYC1O 22
Op tried to eat you out before?
TaiReiSi 12
He's not the only one. I always thought of ******** as degrading to women. Idk why, but i did.
doodlecloud 27
Aw...this is kinda sweet. Don't worry about being embarassed - if you're not ready, you're not ready. Better to work together till you are then do something you're not comfortable with and spoil the whole thing. Your girlfriend will get over it, just try and explain to her again.
loserman67 36
I have contacted the Guinness Book of World Records and they plan on putting you on the cover. First off I must say, good for you for not being a selfish lover. Secondly, turn in your man card! You turned down a ********???? NOW, I've heard it all. Pleasure her after, I repeat after, she finishes you off. Kind of like a "thank you for a superb knob job" type of thing. Well, way to go Knucklehead, you've set the precedent with your girlfriend and now every woman that reads this website will expect the same from their man. Thanks for ruining it for all of us...
Tidus0 17
Yeah I agree I believe if your going down on someone the person on the receiving end should have the decency to ensure full hygiene standards have been followed. Nobody wants to go down on smelly crotch.