Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
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Comments (83)
saIty 17
Gf: Can I give you a ********? OP: A hand job?!? What do I need a kiss for? A hug is plenty enough. Heres a handshake.
Meme1988 18
Try to explaine..
zingline89 18
Try to spelle :P
TourettesGuyFTW 26
What the helle?!
DocBastard 40
How can she tell she's inadequate if you didn't even give her the chance to fail? Let her at least try. When you go soft in the middle of it, THEN you can feel embarrassed and she can feel inadequate. Oh, and you can feel inadequate too. See, with my way, everybody wins!
capslockisgood 19
I think you misread.
jezane 9
Nah, just a swing and a miss... Happens to everyone at some stage, and apparently affects 1/5 men.
DocBastard 40
Nah, I didn't misread. Just my attempt at a joke which apparently isn't funny. Must be my time of the month.
SighMaster3000 4
Off topic but DocBastard that is one hell of a fracture :/
TurquoiseJesus 15
I had a dream last night that Doc would have a comment thumbed down (yes, my dreams are this exciting), but I come here now and see it to be true? Is this a sign of good luck? Or a sign of the apocalypse?
ManInTheMachine 20
You dream about FML? Seriously, **** your life, man. Let's hope they're not wet dreams, eh?
TurquoiseJesus 15
75- ...Only occasionally. >_>
ManInTheMachine 20
Oh okay, that's acceptable. It happens to the best of us. :)
TrailblazerSS 5
It sucks when people don't get your jokes.
RedPillSucks 33
@ManInTheMachine Is having a woody or wet dreams over FML is a bad thing? See..., I have this friend..., Yeah, a friend, who says he dreams of FML.
jamesrod885 6
no one has turned her down before and it has been asked of her so much its what she feels its one of the most important things to us. your selfless act to.see her finish is not something she is used to. I too love to make her happy first it shows that your considerats, passionate and a giver as well as a taker. try 69 next time instead and when you two are not consumed in the passion....talk to her and let her know you want to please her first.
jamesrod885 6
oops I ment she is.not used to seeing your selfless act
ViQValentine 3
Well for one, he OP could be embarrassed about the size of his penis
Here4theshow 17
C'mon OP have some confidence!
tcdaboss 2
What are you 13?
patrickalamo 48
A13 year old would be all over that.
Enslaved 38
Many guys get off by getting their girl off. Too bad she didn't take this opportunity to witness your desire to please her without you wanting anything in return. That's very rare. And not what some are uses to. Damn! no wonder she's confused! :P
ViQValentine 3
Or OP could actually be a woman..