Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
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Comments (83)
lolwutdino 9
In Soviet Russia, ******** do you.
IrePandaPotterLe 8
In Soviet Russia and in the rest of the world,this joke isn't funny anymore.
billyw02 5
All I see is "Today, my girlfriend wanted to blow me. FML."
BananerzFresh 12
I hope you two talked about it and you explained to you gf that you felt embarressed OP.
whatsittuya 2
You have my permission to cry.
windfuelsfire 10
56 - I do
Knightchaser27 25
I don't understand why she got so upset
charvisioku 22
How can she think that's you being a jerk? The logic of that escapes me...
BellaBelle_fml 23
Maybe he didn't tell her why he didn't want her to continue, or maybe he did but she just misunderstood. Both of these reasons could cause the girlfriend to feel like she wasn't doing a good job.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I don't see how a ******** would be degrading to women. Girls surely don't think it's degrading for men to go down on them. When I'm getting a bj, I usually return the favor. I could definitely see why he would stop her if he's all sweaty though, I would never put a girl through something as disgusting as that.
Mauskau 36
If that was the case then OP shouldve told her that he hasn't washed and he would rather wash first. That's what I do and that's what me and my bf do. But if she was just about to put it in her mouth, she probably wouldn't have minded it because she would've been able to smell if it was dirty, then he should've shut up and let her decide herself. She's probably put off and I would feel the same.
Austyn57 1
wow you couldnt even pay me not to take a bj
Cowboy1986 4
Haha I know right!! Like some say here's a hundred bucks not to get that bj ill say yeah right lol I'm gettin some skull