Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
bobbybill0519 7
One does not simply refuse a *******
melij99 5
You may be the first man in history to be called a jerk for refusing a BJ. Congratulations!
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Comments (83)
TcheQ 12
I had a similar issue, but her mouth was too small ,and she didn't lubricate properly. Teeth. Ow.
CatsAreOurRulers 2
Am I the only one who wouldn't mind it if my parter stopped me from going down on them so they could pleasure me? Especially if it was because they needed to shower or shave or something.
san251 10
The only reason you should have for being embarrassed is that you have a chode...
luckoirish14 6
Or a homosexual
MyHorseTango 7
well you're not gonna have to worry about getting embarrassed again, cause you wont be getting a bj from her for a lonnnnnnnng time, if ever again.
luminos77 3
You are an idiot, or 12.
blax38 4
What kind of person turns down a BJ
meghaninblack 4
Wow, she gets to live every girls dream of getting instead of giving and she wastes it. Some people, man.
sugarbear0727 19
Lmao. Just tell her you were embarrassed.
CriXtopher 1
Linkin Park once sang, "You did it to yourself!!!!!"