Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied, "That's OK, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
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Top comments
hellokinky2 0
umm, I think you're in charge of that one. fail on ur part
penpal33 7
Did you, for a minute, think that the problem may be on your side instead of his? :-)
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Comments (95)
corran006 0
If you can't get off yourself, you can't expect your Boyfriend to be able to do it either.
canitbe 0
#53. agree. op. that's pretty much your fault. learn to understand your body. and don't be a jerk. a lie. no on likes a jerk that Lies.
picturescrazy 24
Wow... I agree with the people above. If you can't get yourself off, you're screwed. But screwed in a way in which you will not enjoy it.
briannacyrus 0
That's incredibly unfortunate on your behalf if you can't get yourself off. unless you just didn't try, then it's not so bad I suppose.
iBeRockin 0
Phone sex is hot. Unless he failed at talking dirty and turned you off, I don't see why you'd have to fake it.
baker63 3
love phone sex
gilgamesh47 0
I disagree. if you fake it too much he could do the wrong thing thinking he's pleasing you when he's just as capable of doing the right thing.
iFagatron 0
1) real sex is better, chances are he agrees and practises it without you. 2) you should really know how to please yourself before trying to please him in a fail manner. Just sayin'.
OhPandaPanda 0
LOL I loe this :P 72 must have never had phone sex. When a guy comes it's over and you most likely have to fake it so you don't make him feel bad. Next time, have one quick so you can get off too.
Sleepy_Nerd 5
or teach him how to make you ******, then you both get one from eachother, instead of lying and making him think he's good at sex when he is terrible
1LL337 0
If you have to fake it, you ain't gonna make it. Get yourself a real man who knows how to please a lady