Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied, "That's OK, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
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Top comments
hellokinky2 0
umm, I think you're in charge of that one. fail on ur part
penpal33 7
Did you, for a minute, think that the problem may be on your side instead of his? :-)
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Comments (95)
sweetdreams999 0
sounds like your problem, so fix it and learn what you really like. stop bitching when it's your fault.
jplumbob 4
sweetdreams. you have a smoking body. now we need a face shot.
Lmfao_69 0
well said #12!!!
derek8888 0
lol...I wouldn't say it's entirely her fault. maybe she just hasn't realized she's not attracted to her current bf that can't give her a real ****** :( kinda sad more than anything
justj2010 0
op: ydi. you can't blame this on anyone but yourself. learn how to touch yourself and get a life.
dubstep87 0
learn to play with yourself! so fyl
Wet_Queef 0
Fail.
perdix 31
At least it kept you from wasting minutes! Use headphones or a Bluetooth headset (for the phone at first, but as a last resort, as sex toys ;), so you have both hands free. Massage your G-spot with one hand and rub your clit with the other. That'll do it.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING FAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PHONE!!! Seriously, it takes two people to have sex so you are just as responsible for getting you off as your bf is. For phone sex, more of the responsibility is on your side. Did you fake it because you were bored or because you didn't know what you were doing? Fix the problem.
perdix 31
I'm thinking she wanted to get off (the phone, that is) by pretending to get off, and not wasting the time or precious minutes to have a real ******. Maybe she wanted to go out and look for local bf to fill in the void. ;)
penpal33 7
@25: I totally agree with you! Your a mind reader.
Compass 0
You can't even get yourself off, OP. That's sad.
Granddragon 0
I think you purposely don't have real ones just so you'll have something to complain about you miserable bitch. YDI
baker63 3
phone sex is the best but you need alittle imagination
tmontoya 0
wow op ydi that one learn to get urself off then tell ur man how u like it and dnt fake it that's dumb